training wheels. // evan 'buck' buckley

ix. finding purpose

i sat in my small apartment, the late morning sun streaming through the window. my laptop hummed softly on the table, displaying an empty job search page that had been mocking me for the last hour. i sipped my coffee, feeling both frustrated and restless. it had been a few months since i arrived in los angeles, and while i had found a sense of belonging with the 118 crew, something was still missing. i needed more - something of my own that would give me life in LA a deeper meaning.

the thought of finding a job or pursuing a passion had been swirling in my mind for weeks now. but with so many options and so much uncertainty, i felt paralyzed. what if i chose the wrong path? what if i failed? the self-doubt gnawed at me, making me question every decision i considered.

a soft ping from my phone snapped me out of my reverie. it was a text from eddie.

eddie: hey, you free later? thought we could catch up over lunch.

i smiled at the message. eddie had been an anchor for me since i arrived, offering advice and a listening ear whenever i needed it. he was someone i felt i could trust completely, and his easygoing nature made our friendship grow quickly.

charlie: sure! i could use a break from staring at this computer screen.

eddie: great. how about noon at the little café by the station?

charlie: see you there.

i set my phone down, already feeling lighter. maybe talking to eddie would help me sort through the tangle of thoughts in my head. he had a way of offering practical advice that made everything seem more manageable.

the café was bustling with the lunchtime crowd when i arrived. i spotted eddie right away, sitting at a corner table with his back to the wall - a habit i noticed he had, likely from years of being a soldier and a firefighter. he looked up as i approached, a warm smile spreading across his face.

“hey, charlie,” he greeted, standing up to give me a hug.

“hey, eddie,” i replied, feeling the comfort of his embrace.

we sat down, and a waitress quickly took our orders. as we waited for our food, eddie leaned back in his chair, studying me.

“you’ve got that look,” he said after a moment.

“what look?” i asked, raising an eyebrow.

“the look of someone who’s got something on their mind,” he replied, his tone teasing but with an underlying note of seriousness. “what’s going on?”

i sighed, swirling my drink with my straw. “i’ve been thinking a lot about what i want to do here. you know, something more permanent. but every time i start looking into jobs or projects, i just… freeze. i don’t know what i’m supposed to be doing.”

eddie nodded, his expression thoughtful. “i get that. it’s a big decision, and it’s not easy figuring out what you want to do with your life, especially in a new city. but you don’t have to have all the answers right away.”

“i know,” i said, my voice a little quieter. “but i don’t want to waste time either. i want to find something that makes me feel like i’m contributing, like i have a purpose.”

eddie leaned forward, his gaze intent. “you’re already doing that with the 118, you know. you’ve become a part of our family, and that’s no small thing.”

i smiled softly at his words, grateful for the reassurance. “i guess so. but i want something of my own too. something that’s mine.”

eddie considered me for a moment before speaking again. “you’re good at reading people, charlie. you’ve got a calm presence, and you’re quick on your feet. maybe you could find something that plays to those strengths.”