training wheels. // evan 'buck' buckley

xliv. i fall apart

the call center hummed with the usual rhythm - phones ringing, voices blending into a constant, dull murmur. but today, i felt out of sync with the flow, like the world around me was moving at normal speed, and i was stuck in slow motion. my eyes stung from the restless night before, and my head was pounding with the remnants of emotions i hadn’t had the chance to process.

i sat at my desk, staring at the computer screen as words blurred together. i had tried to compartmentalize everything, to shut down the emotional chaos and focus on work. but with every call i took, it became harder to hold herself together.

from across the room, maddie glanced over, her brow furrowing when she noticed how pale and worn out i looked. josh, sitting next to her, followed her gaze and immediately caught on.

“hey, maddie, is it just me, or does charlie look like she’s on the verge of crumbling?” josh whispered, a note of concern in his voice.

maddie sighed softly. “yeah, she’s been like that all morning. i was going to talk to her during break, but she’s been avoiding me.”

josh frowned, watching me closely. it wasn’t like me to be this checked out, and something in his gut told him it was more than just a bad day.

“i’m gonna go talk to her,” he said, pushing away from his desk. maddie nodded, her worry mirroring his.

i didn’t hear josh approach at first, too absorbed in trying to stop the whirlwind of thoughts running through my head. but when he softly called my name, i jumped slightly, quickly wiping my eyes.

“charlie,” josh said gently, crouching down next to my desk, “hey, are you okay?”

i forced a tight smile, not trusting my voice. “i’m fine,” i muttered, but even to my own ears, the words sounded hollow.

josh’s eyes softened. “no, you’re not. come on, let’s take a walk. get some fresh air.”

for a moment, i wanted to refuse, to tell him i was fine and that i could handle it. but the truth was, i couldn’t handle it. not anymore.

with a reluctant nod, i stood up, following josh to the break room where maddie was waiting, her concern deepening the moment she saw me up close.

“what’s going on, charlie?” maddie asked, her voice calm but laced with worry.

i felt the walls closing in, my heart racing as both maddie and kosh stood in front of me, waiting for an answer. i opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. instead, a sob bubbled up in my chest, and before i could stop it, i broke down.

“i broke up with him,” i whispered through my tears, my voice shaking. “i broke up with buck.”

maddie’s eyes widened, shock flashing across her face. “what? when? buck hasn’t said anything…”

josh immediately pulled me into a hug, his heart breaking at the sight of me in so much pain. “oh, charlie…” he murmured, holding me tightly as my sobs grew louder, my body trembling in his arms.

“i couldn’t do it anymore,” i choked out, my words barely coherent through the tears. “he’s suing bobby, maddie. he’s suing my family, the city - everything. and he’s just… it’s like he doesn’t care what it’s doing to me.”

maddie stepped forward, her heart aching for me and her brother. she had no idea buck was going through this much, let alone that things had gotten so bad between us. “charlie, i didn’t know. i’m so sorry. he hasn’t said a word.”

i pulled away from josh slightly, wiping my eyes. “he’s so focused on getting his job back that he’s not seeing what it’s costing him. what it’s costing us. and i just-" i broke off, my voice catching in my throat as fresh tears fell. “i couldn’t take it anymore. i couldn’t keep pretending it didn’t hurt.”