training wheels. // evan 'buck' buckley

xxiv. figure it out

the morning sun filtered through the blinds, casting soft rays of light across the room. i laid still in my bed, eyes half-open, my mind racing. i replayed every moment of the night before - every touch, every glance, every word. the weight of it all settled in my chest, both exhilarating and terrifying.

i had kissed buck. i had done a lot more than kiss buck.

as the realization sank in, a nervous energy buzzed beneath my skin. i wanted to smile, to scream, to bury myself under the covers and never come out again. but i couldn’t escape the truth: we had crossed a line. and there was no going back.

the warmth of the night hadn’t faded from my skin. i still felt the ghost of his fingers tracing my jawline, his whispered promises lingering in the air between us. but now, in the clear light of day, a million questions flooded my mind. what now? what did it mean? could we go back to how things were? did we even want to?

i sighed and sat up, running a hand through my tangled hair. i glanced at my phone, my heart skipping a beat when i saw a message from buck. it was simple.

buck: morning. i’ll come over before my shift like we talked about. we’ll figure this out.

my fingers hovered over the screen as i typed a response.

charlie: i’ll be here.

i tossed my phone back on the bed and headed to the kitchen, hoping some coffee would calm the storm brewing in my chest. as the coffee brewed, i leaned against the counter, staring into space, unable to shake the mix of excitement and fear gnawing at me. the intimacy we'd shared last night had been amazing, but now that reality was sinking in, i wasn’t sure how to feel.

we had been best friends for so long. i didn’t want to lose that, but at the same time, something had changed. and there was no denying it.

a knock at the door broke the silence. i stood, nerves bubbling in my chest, and moved to the door. when i opened it, buck stood there, looking a little more tired than usual, but still with that same familiar energy. his expression, however, was more serious than i was used to.

“hey,” he greeted me, his voice softer than usual.

“hey,” i replied, stepping aside to let him in. the air felt thick with unspoken tension as he walked past me into the living room.

he sat on the couch, and for a long moment, neither of us said anything. the quiet stretched, only amplifying the weight of the conversation we were about to have. i stayed near the doorway for a moment before finally sitting across from him, unsure of where to even begin.

“we need to talk,” i said softly, breaking the silence. buck met my eyes, and i saw the same uncertainty in his that i felt.

“yeah, we do,” he agreed. his hands rested on his knees, and he leaned forward slightly. “last night… i didn’t mean for that to happen.”

i felt a sharp pang in my chest. “you didn’t mean it?”

buck quickly shook his head. “no, i don’t mean like that. i wanted it - i just didn’t mean for it to happen like that, out of the blue.” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “look, i don’t want to lose you, charlie. you’re my best friend, and if this messes up what we have…”

“i don’t want to lose you either,” i said quietly. “but i also don’t know how to pretend nothing happened.”

buck’s eyes softened as he looked at me. “neither do i."

my heart pounded in my chest. “buck, i-” i stopped, trying to gather my thoughts. “i’ve been scared of this, of us. you mean so much to me, and i didn’t want to ruin that. but last night… i guess i wasn’t as scared as i thought.”