training wheels. // evan 'buck' buckley

xii. messy and awkward

the days following buck and taylor’s breakup had been a whirlwind for everyone at the firehouse, but especially for me. i had tried to maintain a sense of normalcy at work and in my personal life. however, with buck no longer in a relationship, my feelings for him had become increasingly difficult to manage.

it started out subtly. i'd catch myself glancing his way during our interactions, my heart fluttering whenever he smiled or laughed. i was careful not to let my emotions show, but it was hard to ignore how my heart raced every time he entered a room. the casual conversations and light banter that had once been so easy now seemed fraught with tension. i avoided looking him directly in the eye, focusing instead on the task at hand or the safety of the floor tiles.

one afternoon, my shift at the call center was unusually quiet. the calm was a welcome break, but it also gave me too much time to think about the upcoming evening. eddie had invited me to join him and buck for dinner at the firehouse. it was meant to be a casual get-together, but for me, it felt like a high-stakes event. the thought of spending time with buck, especially in a relaxed setting, made me anxious.

as evening approached, i forced myself to focus on the task at hand, hoping that if i kept busy, i might manage to quell my nerves. when my shift ended, i took a deep breath and headed to the firehouse, mentally preparing for the evening ahead.

when i arrived at the firehouse, eddie greeted me warmly, and i was soon joined by buck, who was in his casual off-duty attire. buck’s presence made my heart race, and i felt a wave of nerves wash over me. i tried to act casual as eddie led us to the kitchen, where dinner was being prepared.

“so, charlie, how’s everything going at the call center?” eddie asked as he set the table.

i forced a smile, trying to keep my tone light. “busy as usual. but it’s been manageable.”

buck joined in the conversation, though i found myself struggling to keep up. every time i glanced at him, my mind seemed to go blank. i fidgeted with my napkin, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.

buck noticed my discomfort but didn’t say anything, instead focusing on the food and chatting with eddie. we talked about our day, shared stories from the firehouse, and joked about recent calls. i laughed along with them, but my laughter felt strained, and i was aware of how stiff my responses were.

as we ate, buck tried to engage me in conversation. “so, charlie, any interesting calls today?” he asked, his tone friendly.

i felt a lump in my throat. “oh, uh, yeah. just the usual stuff. nothing too exciting,” i replied, my voice wavering slightly.

buck raised an eyebrow but didn’t push further. eddie, on the other hand, was perceptive enough to notice the shift in my behavior. he glanced between me and buck, his curiosity piqued.

after dinner, as we sat around the table, eddie decided to address the elephant in the room. “charlie, you seem a bit off tonight. everything alright?”

my cheeks flushed as she glanced at eddie, then at buck. “oh, it’s nothing. just a long day.”

eddie wasn’t convinced. he looked at buck, who was watching the exchange with a puzzled expression. “buck, do you mind if charlie and i have a quick chat in the other room?”

buck shrugged, sensing that something was up but not pressing the issue. “sure, no problem. i’ll clean up here.”

as eddie led charlie into the nearby office, he closed the door behind them. “okay, what’s going on?” he asked gently. “you’ve been acting really weird around buck lately.”

i sighed, feeling the weight of my emotions pressing down on me. “it’s just… difficult. ever since the breakup, i’ve been struggling with my feelings. and now that he’s single, it’s even harder to keep things normal.”