Dear Future Mrs. Puth

chapter twent nine- Ashes to ashes

*Charlie's pov*
Meghan slams into the cement divider wall and hits her head on the steering wheel, I hear Brooklyn screaming but don't have time to react while the airbag explodes in my face, everything goes dark for a second. Then I spring into action.
"Brooklyn, take the twins and stand on the side of the car that is away from traffic. Now" I bark, jumping over to Meghan. Brooklyn unstraps the twins and I drag Meghan out. She is unconscious and her head is bleeding bad. I lay her down and hold her hand until the ambulance gets here. They make me put an oxygen mask on, forcebly ripping me from Meghan's side. Brooklyn and the twins are picked up by a hysterical Emmy.
"Keep me posted, Kay" she asks. I nod. I jump in the ambulance with Meghan. When we arrive at the hospital they won't let me stay with her. I thrash and try to get to her but it's no use. I sob. I never told her I loved her. I fall into a fitful sleep.
I comfort the babies and Brooklyn tosses the first lily. I wrote a song and set it on top of the casket.
"Mama" Charlotte asks. The twins are almost one now.
"Mama is sleeping honey" I say, trying not to start sobbing. Ashlee takes the babies and I hug a sobbing Kelli.
"Charlie, she's really gone" she sobs into me.
"I know" I cry back. Ryan stands at the podium.
"Meghan Elizabeth was the best sister anyone could ever ask for. She was always there for you when you need her, even if she was super pissed at you. She was a bomb songwriter and her songs we're flipping awesome. I don't want to think about a life without her, so sometimes I close my eyes real tight and think really hard. Then it's okay, then she never died in that freak accident. God, Meg, I'm gonna miss you so much" Ryan say, turning to the casket and placing his lily on top. At the viewing earlier, she looked so peaceful. People say she's in a better place, but what place is better than with the kids and I? To her, this is the only place she'd want to be. It better be a damn good place, because she deserves it. I walk up to the podium.
"Meghan Elizabeth Trainor walked into my life as a superstar, and walked out as no less than a queen. She kept me strong when I needed her most, and I let her down. I wasn't there when she needed me most because I was being selfish. I will regret that until the day. I. Die. Meg, I'm so sorry. My heart will always beat for you, my love. Love you, darling" I whisper as I set my lily on the casket. Kelli pats my arm as I sit next to her. After that, I take the kids home. After they go to bed, I walk out to the pool. I sit in the chair where I proposed to her. My God, I can't do this without her. Now I know what she ment when she said 'I will never regret falling in love with you, but it was the biggest mistake of my life'. I know exactly what you mean, honey. I go over to the stairs of the pool and step in. I swim over to the deep end, my cloths getting heavier with every inch. I let myself sink to the bottom. I look up at the rippled night sky. I open my mouth and take a deep breath...
I wake up gasping. I sit straight up in bed and pant for like three minutes, after I've assured myself that I have not just deserted my family in a selfish act of grief, I sneak out of bed and into the dim hospital hallway. I see the nurse and a doctor talking outside.
"We need the family's consent" the nurse says.
"Of course, the problem is how do we tell them that their, sister, daughter, mother, best friend and wife lost her brain function. Thats a dousey, how are they gonna explain to the world that one of the biggest pop stars lost her brain function" the doctor says, everything in my body goes numb. I lean heavily on the wall.
"Mr Puth, you need to go back to your room" the nurse says.
"I need to see her" I whisper. She nods and leads me towards Meghan. She closes the door behind her. I carefully walk up to the bed and sit in the chair next to it. "Charlie" Meghan yells.
"Yeah" I ask back, walking to the doorway of the kitchen. There is a giant bowl of dark brown glop. It smells amazing as Meghan opens the oven. On two cookie sheets are softball sized cookies, big enough to cover a small plate.
"My moms recepie. The one thing I can actually cook" she smiles and hands me a soft cookie. I take a bite and moan in delight.
"Holy fuck. You've been holding out on me" I say, taking another bite and closing my eyes in bliss.
"I wanted to make sure you we're the one. I only bake these if someone dies or if I find my future husband" she smiles, breaking off a piece and popping it into her mouth before setting it down and filling the pans back up with the rest of the dough. She finishes her cookie and comes over to me. She hugs me tightly and I hug her back.
"Meghan" I say and look down into her hazel eyes.
"Charlie, I love you" she whispers, locking our eyes. I kiss her passionately.
"I love you too" I say. She smiles and kisses me again.
I start to cry at the memory. The worst part is, I barely remember the way it felt to kiss her. Thats the thing, when you share a kiss with someone, you expect to share a million more after that. I will always hate myself for that. I grab her hand. I lean in close and kiss her cheek because there is a tube down her throat. "I love you, Meghan Elizabeth Trainor. I always will" I say and watch her, hoping for any movement at all. Nothing.

*meghans pov*

I am floating above grey. Nothingness surrounds me. I don't know which way I came from, I just appeared here. I walk forward. Inch by inch my pain goes away. I walk backwards. Pain fills my body. I go back to where I started, in between pain and no pain. Here I feel nothing. I sit. I know somewhere below me Charlie and the kids are waiting, but I don't know how to get back. Oh Charlie, I love you. Then I hear giggling. Three toddlers walk up to me. One boy and two girls. I smile at them.
"Hello" I say, my voice sounds distant and muffled. One of the little girls walks up to me. "Whats your name" I ask, softly touching her shoulder.
"I'm Perri. Thats my brother, Max, and sister Alexis" she says in a sweet voice. Awe. Wait. No. This can't be happening. No no no no no no no no no. I need to get back to Charlie, Brooklyn and the twins. I stand up and look at the angelic smiling faces.
"Mommy" Alexis asks, holding her arms up, motioning for me to hold her. I bend down and pick her up with trembling hands. I sweep her pale blonde hair out of her eyes. She looks just like Charlotte. She hugs me and I sway back and forth. I pick up Max after Alexis. I push his brown hair out of his face and kiss his for head and lean down to hug Perri. She holds my hand and tugs me forward. I stumble closer to the end of my pain. I trip and fall, half landing in the blindingly bright clouds. I scoot back. No no no no.
"NO" I scream. The babies look up at me. I kiss each of their foreheads and sprint back into the black clouds. The closer I get the more I hear. I look back at my crying babies, it makes my hear ache. "I'm sorry" I whisper. I jump into the pitch black clouds and am falling. I am suddenly in a hospital room. Charlie is sitting in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand. My mom and dad are in the corner crying and Emmy is holding Charlotte while Brooklyn holds Logan. Ryan hugs Saylor and Justin holds Ashlee's hand. The nurse starts pulling tubes out and turning switches off. If I don't get over there before she is done, I'm not going to make it. I touch my hand first, causing it to twitch. I see Charlie's mouth move as he says something excitedly, but I hear no noise. I lay down next to my body. The nurse is pulling the final tube out. I roll over and soak into my body. Suddenly I hear the noise of the room.
"Time of death, 23:46" the nurse says. I notice nothing in my body is moving. Breathe breathe breathe. In out in out. I command. My eyes flutter open and I take a giant gasp of air. I sit up, panting. Everyone is staring at me. I look to Charlie who has my hand in a vise grip. My head is pounding like crazy and my stomach hurts. I clear my throat.
"What did I miss" I ask. Everyone starts sobbing again. Charlie jumps onto the bed next to me. I hug him close to me. I ignore the pain in my stomach and hug him like I'm going to die if I don't. I probably will. My voice is very hoarse. He kisses me and I lean my head on his shoulder. Everyone rushes to me. My mom sits on the other side of me and she cries to me. After everyone leaves except Charlie, Brooklyn and the twins, I decide to tell them about it. Charlie sits next to me, holding Charlotte and u hold Logan. The bed is propped up and I am sitting cross legged and leaning against Charlie's shoulder. Brooklyn is sitting at the end of the bed with my feet resting on her lap.
"I held my babies" I say, my voice cracking. I take a sip of water, it chills my esophagus as it rolls into my stomach.
"What" Charlie asks.
"I held Max, Lexie and Perri. Charlie I held my babies" I say, starting to cry.
"Brookyn go get grandma Kelli" Charlie says. She needs and comes back a second later with my mom. She takes the babies from me after I kiss them. Charlie turns to me and looks me in the eye.
"Meghan, you saw the babies" he asks. I nod. My head is pounding.
"Charlie would you do anything for me" I ask. He nods. "Good. Make this last" I say and kiss him passionately. After a while he pulls away.
"Meghan I love you" he says, I kiss him again.
"Charlie, I love you with all my heart" I say and slip into darkness again.