Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 17

(No Control - 17. Something Great)

It's been an hour since I dropped Jess off home. I'm cruising up the M1, just coming up to the turn off for Milton Keynes, and my thoughts are all over the place.

I wonder if she's seen my Twitter follow yet. I need to add her to my Friends list on Twitter so I can look out for her tweets and they don't get lost among the hundreds I get every minute. 

I wonder if she's seen my number in her phone yet. I shouldn't have put it there - what if she thinks I'm some sort of weirdo stalker? That was not cool. I can just imagine Louis taking the piss out of me when I tell him what I did. Hmm, maybe I'll keep this one to myself. 

I glance at my phone on the seat beside me. No new messages. I would have heard the message tone if anything had come through. I'll check properly when I get to Mum's.

Maybe she'll text me when she sees my number. My head is telling me it's better for everyone if she doesn't, but something inside me secretly wants her to. 

I need a wee, but I can't be bothered stopping at any services in case I get spotted. I don't want anyone to know I'm going to Holmes Chapel this week, if I can help it. I've been looking forward to being looked after by my mum, and I just want to nurse my broken heart in peace. 

Hmm. I haven't thought about Nadine properly since we landed yesterday. Out of sight, out of mind, I suppose. I wonder what she's doing right now. I haven't heard from her in a while. I wonder if she's met someone else.

I fiddle with the radio and tune into Radio 1. They're playing Ellie Goulding's new song, Love Me Like You Do. I remember hearing this last night while I was sitting on the sofa at the house party talking to Jess. I hum along, not really knowing the words, and smile to myself at the memory of last night. Not just the sexy parts, but the whole evening. It feels like ages since I went on a date, and last night wasn't even a proper date really, considering it was sort of spontaneous and we'd only just met. It doesn't feel like a hook up, though. I feel like I got to know her a little bit. It was nice spending time with someone who isn't famous, who has no experience with the celebrity world.

I let myself imagine what a proper date with Jess would be like. I could take her to a swanky restaurant and get another bottle of Dom Perignon; she seemed to enjoy that yesterday. I imagine sitting opposite her at a table and picture her flirting with me and sassing me and putting me firmly in my place. I smirk at the thought of it; at the memory of her rolling her eyes at me every time I made a vain attempt to flirt with her or be sexy. I wonder what she was thinking?

How about 'Who is this loser?' my subconscious supplies.

I cringe slightly when I remember the sultry looks I was giving her when I was trying so hard to be irresistible, but then I remember they obviously must have worked because she ended up in my bed. 

I quickly pull my thoughts away from last night. I don't need uncomfortably tight jeans in the car, and just the thought of Jess laying underneath me in my bed and her fingers tugging at my hair is awakening things that should not be awake right now.

I put a Fleetwood Mac album on and turn the volume up loud so the bass vibrates through the steering wheel, and I smirk as I remember Jess saying she does the same thing when she's in the car on her own. That was right before Little White Lies came on the radio and I remember pulling her body against me and pushing her back towards my bedroom, pulling her top over her head.... 

OK I'm just going to stop thinking rude thoughts. 

I belt out the lyrics to the entire Fleetwood Mac album and manage to keep my mind relatively clean until I arrive at Mum's around 3.30pm.

As I get out of the car she opens the front door and walks over to meet me. I feel a wave of relief when I see her. I've really missed her. 

She puts her arms around me and gives me a huge squeeze before pulling away and looking at my face.

"How are you sweetheart?" she asks softly.

"I'm OK," I respond. And for the first time since Nadine dumped me, I don't think I'm lying.