Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 69 - part i

(No Control - 69. What Makes You Beautiful, first part)

June 2015

Jess is uncharacteristically quiet when I drive her to work the following morning. She stares out of the window and looks sad, and I have a weird, nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't shake off.

"Are you OK?" I ask eventually, and she looks at me with a smile that might have fooled me if I didn't know her so well.

"Fine," she says brightly.

"You seem a bit -" I begin, but she quickly cuts me off and changes the subject. I can see right through it - she doesn't want me to ask. So she's either fine, or hiding something.

I don't think she's fine. Which means there's something she isn't telling me. The thought makes my palms sweat.

"Are you looking forward to your rehearsals on Wednesday?" she's asking.

"Um, yeah, I suppose so."

This is normally where I would say I'm dreading starting the tour again now that we're a couple, because I am going to miss her like crazy, but I'm getting the vibe she doesn't want a serious conversation. I don't know where this has come from, but it's stressing me out.

We chat about random, non-important stuff until I pull up outside her office, and she leans over and gives me a quick kiss and then jumps out of the car before I can say anything.

"Jess -" I begin, but she shuts the door, cutting me off again, and hurries away. I can't deny I feel a little hurt by the way she's acting, and wonder again if she's sussed that Nadine has been texting me or something.

I wish I'd told her about all that now, but it's too late to bring it up without arousing suspicion. I know she'll think I've kept it from her, and it'll end up in an argument, and I really don't want that, not now the tour is so close. It irks me that she'll jump to the wrong conclusion, and it pisses me off even more that I've got myself into this situation again. I should have learnt after the Taylor Swift fiasco, but now I feel like I've backed myself into a corner, where I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I'll definitely tell her once I'm back, and I'll just have to take the shit that comes with it. I swear to God I will never keep anything from her ever again.

When I get back home there's a text from Nadine in reply to the one I sent her last night mentioning I had a girlfriend:

Oh, I didn't know you were seeing someone. Is it serious? x

We're not public yet, and yes it is, she's amazing :), I text back.

Shame ;) xx, comes the reply, and I feel slightly uneasy.

It's about half an hour before I come up with a response:

?

Yes, it really did take me half an hour to come up with that.

Part of me doesn't want to know what she means by her last comment, but I feel like it would be awkward if I ignored it.

Was just looking forward to seeing you that was all. Would have been good to catch up properly ;) xx

Well, this just got a whole lot more awkward. Why is she saying this stuff? Now I feel even worse about not telling Jess.

I really don't know how to respond to this one. How do I make it clear to her that I'm not interested without sounding rude, arrogant or presumptuous? My reply takes another half hour to compose:

Nothing wrong with two friends having lunch? It's perfectly innocent as far as I'm concerned.

And what if I don't want it to be innocent? ;) xx, she texts back.