Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 54 - part ii

(No Control - 54. Fool's Gold, second part)

We're filming our interview for The Late Late Show on Thursday, so I drive myself to the studio and meet the other boys in the green room.

"You look like shit," Louis says sympathetically as I sit down.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"No seriously," he says, taking the seat next to me and lowering his voice. "You look awful. Are you OK?"

"No," I say bluntly.

I've already filled them in on the details of yesterday morning's conversation between me and Jess. I can't face discussing it again.

"You wanna talk?" Niall asks across the room.

"No," I repeat, in the same tone, and they all nod and give me comforting smiles.

"What are you wearing for the interview?" Liam asks, and I grunt my response and indicate to my bag.

"I'll take those and get them prepared," one of the wardrobe assistants says, picking up my bag and carrying it out of the room, and I smile my thanks at her.

We meet some of the crew, and hang out with James, and I hate to admit it but I feel a bit better now I'm around people. It helps to take my mind off the ache in my chest.

My outfit arrives back, ironed and hung up, and I glance over it before turning to the assistant who took it away.

"Where's the necklace?" I ask.

She looks at me uncomprehendingly.

"The necklace, that was in my bag with my clothes," I explain. "Where is it?"

She frowns, and then picks up my bag and peers inside.

"Ohhh, this one?" she asks, pulling out Jess's pendant. "Sorry, I didn't see it."

"That's nice," Liam remarks as I slip it over my head.

"Jess bought it for me," I mutter, and across the room I see Louis looking up with interest.

"Ahh, that's sweet," Liam smiles.

The producer calls us, and we get up and make our way to the edge of the set, ready to appear on cue.

"Nice necklace," Louis murmurs as we line up.

I don't have time to react because the music starts and we enter the studio.

......

I monitor Jess's Facebook and Twitter over the next twenty-four hours, but nothing is happening. I didn't honestly expect it to. At the back of my mind is Grimmy's invitation to the Big Weekend next Saturday, and I am in two minds over what to do.

Knowing Jess is going to be there, probably with Grimmy, is making my heart ache. I want nothing more than to fly over there and sort things out, but I'm terrified of making a fool of myself again, like I did with Nadine.

I mean, I never flew several thousand miles in an attempt to get Nadine to take me back, but you know what I mean. The whole declaration of love was an episode I'd rather forget. I'm not going to start throwing that term around in front of Jess, obviously, because things aren't at that stage yet, but I'm scared of making a grand gesture and her turning me down publicly. I don't think my heart could take that level of rejection again, especially not from Jess.

I don't know if she's still aware of what I'm up to these days - she still follows me on Twitter, and we're friends on Facebook, so I'd like to think she's looking at my profiles the same way I'm looking at hers, but I have no way of finding out.