Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 44 - part ii

(No Control - 44. Loved You First, second part)

I'm chuffed when we get in the car to come home and Ed Sheeran comes on the radio, and Jess starts singing along to Thinking Out Loud. She turns the volume up, like she did with Ellie Goulding, and she's totally absorbed in the music.

I watch her affectionately, smiling every time I look over at her, even though she doesn't see me.

"You like Ed Sheeran?" I ask as she turns the volume down after the song is finished. I'm even more excited for Friday now.

"Actually, I'm not really a fan," she says.

Oh. 

Well, damn.

That's thrown a spanner in the works.

"Apart from this one," she says. "And the one he did with Rudimental. But I absolutely love the video to Thinking Out Loud, with the dancing. And the lyrics are beautiful."

OK, well that's two songs she'll enjoy on Friday. That's something.

"He wrote some songs for us," I say, after a moment.

"I know," she says immediately, and then flounders. "I mean... errr, did he?"

Of course she knew. What was I thinking?

"I suppose you know which ones?" I tease, and she reels them off without missing a beat.

"I'm sorry I'm such a loser," she sighs.

"Are you calling One Direction fans losers?" I ask, peeking at her sideways.

"No," she says hastily. "But not every fan ends up...." She stops dead. 

I wait.

Ends up what? 

"...getting this close to you," she finishes awkwardly.

My heart is in my mouth as I reach across and slip my hand in hers. 

I need to bring up the girlfriend subject. Now seems like a good opportunity, when she's talking like this.

I'm glad she feels close to me. I feel close to her, too.

I know we haven't been together - I mean seeing each other - for very long, but I already feel like I know her. 

I can tell when she's embarrassed. I can tell when she's nervous. I can tell when she's turned on, and when she wants me. I can tell when she's jealous, even though she won't admit it to me. Or herself.

I can tell which songs are her favourites.

"I can always tell which songs are your favourites," I say out loud, and she looks at me uncertainly.

"You always turn the volume up, and completely ignore me when there's a song on you like," I explain. "And you just sing along like you're in your own little world. Nothing else gets a look in until it's over, then you turn the volume down and you're back with us."

Her face flushes again, and I want to kiss her and tell her she doesn't have to be embarrassed about this. Or anything, in fact. I love that she can be herself around me. So few people are.

"Thank God you've never seen me at one of your concerts," she mutters.

"I will in June," I say, happily. "I can't wait."

"You won't be able to see me in a crowd of 80,000," she scoffs.

"I'll make sure I do," I reply. 

I can't wait to see how she reacts to me and the boys on stage. I feel like there is a whole area of her life that she keeps hidden from me - the One Direction fan. I will finally be able to see just how much of a fan she really is.