Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 52 - part ii

(No Control - 52. Spaces, second part)

"Jess, are you still there?" I ask, tentatively.

"I'm here," she replies.

"Do you believe me?"

It feels like my entire existence hinges on her answer.

"I... I don't know, Harry," she says, her voice trembling. "I think so. I want to, it's just..."

"It's just what?" I ask softly, trying to coax her into opening up to me again like she did right before she left LA.

"OK, just imagine you're me for a minute," she begins.

"OK."

I shift on my stool to get comfy and rest my elbows on the breakfast bar with the phone pressed to my ear.

"So, you're just a normal person, with a normal life and normal friends," she says. "You're hopelessly in love with this famous guy from, like, the biggest band in the world but he doesn't even know who you are."

Wait, WHAT?

Hopelessly in love? What the fuck?

My heart is pounding. My palms are sweating. 

She's still talking, something about me having women falling at my feet, and I struggle to focus on her words. 

"...and rightly so because he's gorgeous, sexy, funny and confident. And then one day you meet him at a party and realise he is everything you ever thought he was, and more."

She's hopelessly in love with me.

She's still talking, but I'm not fully listening. Something about hoping I would be interested in her or something.

She's hopelessly in love with me.

She did just say that, didn't she? I didn't imagine it? Why is she being so casual about it?

My face is breaking into a grin, and I focus again on what she is saying.

"...but then he goes on tour and sleeps with another fan and it's all over the papers. Then another kiss and tell story comes out, which he says happened weeks ago, before you met him. Then you find out he has a famous fuck buddy that he didn't tell you about, but he swears he hasn't seen her in months either... You see why I'm having trouble with all this?" she suddenly asks, and I realise she's waiting for an answer from me.

I don't even know how to respond. What do I say? I love her too? 

Do I? I'm not sure.

All I know is, I'm so fucking happy right now, I feel like my chest is going to burst.

"Err, Harry?" she prompts.

"You kind of had me at 'hopelessly in love'," I tell her stupidly, grinning like an idiot.

"It's an expression," she says bluntly. "You know what I mean. An embarrassing crush on a celebrity."

Oh my God. What the fuck?

So she isn't in love with me? She just took it back?

Fuck.

"Oh," I say, because there is nothing else to say. I feel like I was flying at a hundred miles an hour and just slammed into a brick wall.

I feel so fucking stupid for thinking she might love me. Thank God I never said it back. 

A slow burn of humiliation is making its way up my face.