Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 48 - part ii

(No Control - 48. One Way Or Another, second part)

I wait.

She hesitates.

"Thought not," I say abruptly, and I turn away and walk round the car and get into the driver's seat.

"Harry," she says softly as I shut the door, cutting her off. She gets in.

"It's fine, I get it," I snap. Just fucking leave me to my humiliation.

"I really don't think you do," she sighs.

Really? You won't kiss me in case someone sees. I've told you I'm fine with it. Clearly you're not. Why won't you let me get close to you?

Obviously I don't say this out loud.

"Harry," she says again, and I don't answer but I am listening. "I...I... I don't want us to fall out," she pleads.

The tone of her voice calms me, and I sigh.

"Neither do I," I admit.

She reaches over and takes my hand and I entwine my fingers with hers.

"Sorry," she says in a small voice, and it makes me sad. I shouldn't have given her a hard time.

"I wish you'd open up to me," I say, gently.

"What do you mean?" she asks, and I decide to jump in with both feet.

"It's like you're afraid to get close to me or something."

My heart is thudding as we are now approaching the subject of our feelings.

She stares silently out of the window. I decide I've come this far, I may as well continue.

"What's the worst that could happen?" I ask.

She doesn't answer me. She doesn't even look at me.

"Jess?" I say, as softly as I can. I don't want to push her away. I just want her to tell me what's going on in her head.

She doesn't. Instead she just stares out of the window, completely shut off.

I give a sigh, and remove my hand from hers. I don't know what else I can do. I can't force her to open up to me if she really doesn't want to. I guess she just wants to keep things casual.

That sucks.

Lou calls while we're still driving and says she'll meet us there at 8 with Jeff and Glenne, and I know I'm being short with her but I just can't muster up any enthusiasm.

"Who are Jeff and Glenne?" Jess asks, breaking the silence.

"Friends, coming tonight," I reply. I could go into details but I really can't be bothered. I just want some time to myself, to think.

We arrive home and I chuck my keys on the hall table and walk off, hoping she'll take the hint and leave me be for a minute. I know I'm being an arse but I just need some time to lick my wounds. I feel her grab my hand and I stop. She slowly pulls my arm so I am forced to turn back around to face her, but I can't bring myself to look at her. I feel like if I look into her eyes I will unravel and confess these stupid feelings I'm having, that I don't even understand myself. I can tell she isn't looking at me either, and instead she puts her arms around my waist and leans her head on my chest. I feel instantly calmer and let out a large breath, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my cheek against the top of her head. She doesn't pull away for ages, and when she does she stands on her tiptoes and presses her soft lips to mine.

"I should probably make a start on packing," she whispers, and I nod.

"OK."

I watch her turn away and walk to the bedroom, and I walk into the kitchen and stare out across the hillside for a few minutes, pinching my bottom lip between my finger and thumb. My phone beeps with a text from Lou.