Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 64 - part i

(No Control - 64. Fireproof, first part)

I wake up to Jess lying on her back grinning at the ceiling.

"What are you smiling at?" I ask sleepily.

"I'm just happy," she says, turning to look at me. "You make me happy."

She comes to lay in my arms and we discuss our plans for the day. She is working, I'm seeing Grimmy, and I'll drop her off at work on the way.

"We've only got a couple of weeks before I'm back on tour again," I say, with a trace of sadness in my voice. "I want to see you as much as possible. If you want to."

"Of course I do," she says, and her tone matches mine.

"I'll be home between shows, at least during the European leg," I assure her, looking into her eyes. "I won't be able to come home much while we're touring the States, though."

"I know. I'm going to miss you," she pouts, and my heart misses a beat.

"I'll miss you too," I whisper.

She kisses my chest softly and we lie together in silence, her fingers softly stroking my chest and my fingers twirling her hair. I'm going to miss this so much on tour. Just being able to wake up next to her, and drop her off at work.

My mind wanders to the impending tour, and I start stressing about how we will cope permanently without Zayn. I want to talk to someone about it, but I don't want to burden her with all of this.

Fuck it. Yes I do.

"Sometimes I get so scared that this will all come crashing down without any warning," I begin.

"What will?" she asks softly.

"The band. One Direction," I clarify, and the flood gates open. "I don't think anyone expected us to be this popular, or this successful. Even now I still feel like one day I'll wake up and the world will have moved on to something else, someone else. Something more exciting. People are so fickle, Jess. Our fans are the most loyal fans in the world but eventually they will get bored of us and move on to another band. That's just life, it's how these things work. And then what? I don't know how I will ever have a normal life. I don't know what I will do if one day all this just disappears."

I snap my mouth shut, feeling embarrassed and shy.

"I don't think it will ever disappear for you... for any of you, really," she replies after a moment. "You are so famous, Harry. Everyone loves you; you can do no wrong. Even if One Direction comes to an end you will not be short of offers, believe me. Every entertainment company in the world will want to snap you up. You have the Midas touch."

"I'm not ready for One Direction to come to an end," I confess, and I can't meet her eyes. I have never admitted these fears to anyone, not even my mum yet.

"Why would it?" Jess asks.

I pause, organising my thoughts.

"I'm scared how it will be, just the four of us," I tell her. "We muddled through on the last leg of the tour after Zayn left so suddenly, but this leg will be different. Everything's being reworked to run smoothly without him. What if we're not as appealing as a four-piece? What if this is the beginning of the end?"

"It isn't," she says, adamantly, and she cups my face in her slender hands and forces me to look at her.

"You don't know that," I mutter.

"I know the strength of your fan base, because I am part of it," she reminds me. "Look at Project No Control. Look at hashtag Oh No Niall, or Tomlinson Slays Again," she continues. "Your fans can make things happen for you at a touch of a button, they send things viral. And they are showing no signs of wavering loyalty, believe me."