Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 35

(No Control - 35. Same Mistakes)

We manage to see Zayn before we leave for Manila - he's really upset and keeps apologising for letting us down, but none of us blame him. The guy is clearly devastated and his private life is spiralling out of control. He promises he'll be back in a few days once he's sorted things out with Perrie, but I have this sinking feeling that he won't be.

What's he going to do if she refuses to work things out? Just come back and rejoin the tour like nothing's happened? If he's this upset right now it isn't going to be fixed by a few days at home. I know I'm being pessimistic but I can't help it, I'm a worrier.

I keep thinking back to our conversations over the last couple of weeks. Did anything I said or did contribute to his breakdown? Should I have forced him to open up more and share his problems? I could drive myself crazy thinking like this.

No one really says much on the flight; we're all just reeling. As soon as we land we are taken to our hotel and thrown straight into a meeting with the production team and the tour management. We sit around a table talking awkwardly about who will pick up Zayn's parts in all our songs, and I can tell by glancing around the table that everyone is as uncomfortable as I am about this. It feels like we're just filling his shoes, like he's a function that is easily replaced, rather than one of our best friends who is going through a tough time.

"Does anyone else feel like Zayn's just been deleted from our lives?" I mutter as we leave the meeting room.

"Yeah," everyone murmurs.

"Like, I get we need to get the contingency sorted asap so we're prepared for the show, but fucking hell," Louis grumbles.

"I know," Liam sighs. "But we owe it to the fans to give them the best performance we can."

The news has already broken across the world that Zayn has been signed off the tour until 28th March, with stress. Twitter has gone into meltdown and our PR team have told us not to tweet anything just yet until they finalise the official stance. Of course, Zayn has already broken that by tweeting about being in love with Perrie, which caused Karen to call Liam and force him to put her on speaker so she could literally yell at us all not to speak out. My ears are still bleeding.

"I just want to go out and get pissed tonight," I mutter.

"YES, Styles," Louis says, perking up. "Count me in."

We spend the afternoon rehearsing the songs in their new format which only serves to make me even more depressed, so by the time evening rolls round I am so ready for this night out. The last one wasn't exactly a success, as it triggered the chain of events that tipped Zayn over the edge, so I am keen to make this a good one.

Louis is like an excitable child as he lights up a cigarette in the back of the car on the way to the club, and keeps turning around to look at the car behind which contains Liam and Niall. We are dropped off by our driver outside the door, and Dale and Mike lead us inside and straight to the VIP section.

It's a really swanky place. There's a huge fishtank in the middle of the dancefloor with coloured lights shining up the middle that keep changing from pink to green to gold to blue. The bar is made of what looks like black marble with flecks of gold through it, and the leather seats in our booth are pristine. As soon as we sit down a bucket of champagne is brought over and we dive straight in. Complimentary snacks are brought over to us, and for the first hour we sit talking about Zayn and the tour.

Louis gets up to go to the bathroom, and returns a few minutes later followed by a couple of girls. I look up at them and catch the eye of a beautiful blonde with greeny blue eyes and a gorgeous smile.