Trace of Innocence (No Control Book 3)

Chapter 57

(No Control - 57. You and I)

"From the minute we met I felt like I was just in the right place at the right time with you," she begins, her voice trembling slightly. It's so cute. "Like if it hadn't been me at that party it would have been somebody else that ended up in your bed that night."

Woah, hold on, what?

I open my mouth to protest, to tell her that I wasn't looking for someone to hook up with that night, but she holds her hand up before I can speak.

"Let me get this out Harry, before I bottle it," she says, almost pleading, and I snap my mouth quickly shut before she changes her mind.

"You don't understand what it's like to have had this crush on you for so long, to have read stuff about you in magazines, seen you in concert, had your picture on my laptop screen," she says, almost sadly. "And then all of a sudden you're part of my life like this normal person. I felt like I'd known you for years, yet we'd only just met and you knew nothing about me. I tried not to have this perception of you, but it's hard to forget everything you've read - good and bad."

I am a normal person! I know what she means, and it's good she's telling me all this, but I wish people would just realise I am a normal person, just like everyone else.

"I couldn't believe someone as gorgeous and incredible as you would be interested in me," she says, her cheeks reddening. "You date stick-thin models and famous singers. I'm just Jess. I'm no one special. I don't even have a thigh gap."

What the hell is a thigh gap?

"I've had this inferiority complex the whole way through and that's why I'm always so quick to jump to the wrong conclusions about you. It's because deep down I think it's only a matter of time before you get bored of me, so every time the media says you've found someone else it comes as no surprise. I can't help it. It's just the way I think."

I can't believe she's so insecure. Hasn't she seen herself in the mirror? She's beautiful. She's radiant. She's funny. She's intelligent. How on earth would I ever be bored of her?

I'm leaning forward with my chin on my palm, completely transfixed by her, and this conversation. I probably look like a loser but I don't care. I'm fascinated by her.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Taylor Swift," she's saying. "I'm sorry I left LA without giving you a proper chance to explain everything. That wasn't fair."

No it wasn't. But slowly, this is starting to fall into place.

"I was just so shocked when that pap blurted it out, and I felt so stupid," she confesses. "I felt like you'd been playing me all along, and I should have seen it coming. I was so hurt, I had to get away so you wouldn't see."

I feel sick at the thought of her thinking these things about me.

"I didn't mean what I said about it just being a bit of fun, and I didn't use you to meet the rest of One Direction. It's been way more than that for me and it terrifies me how quickly I got in so deep."

I feel a flush of relief at these words. They were among the ones that hurt the most when she threw them in my face. And my heart is beginning to pound at the thought of her being 'in so deep.' What does she mean by that?

"I'm sorry I asked you to stop calling me the other week," she's now saying. "I thought I'd be better off without you in my life but I was wrong. I'm not, and I'm sorry that I ever thought I would be. I shouldn't have given you shit over that Joy Muggli girl."

No, you shouldn't. But I get it now.

"I still can't believe you publicly denied it, twice. I understand how much of a big deal it was for you to do that, and I'm so sorry I threw it back in your face and ended things."