Now and Forever - Mark Feehily Fan Fiction [COMPLETED]

Chapter 54 - Nothing

Songs of the chapter:
Austin Mahone - Not Far
Michael Learns To Rock - I'll Wait For You
Sam Smith - Life Support
Westlife - I'll See You Again
Westlife - Mandy
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Jess' POV
Nothing.

I could think nothing. I could barely feel anything.

If you asked how I was feeling right now, don't think I could answer that. My feelings had gone numb and lost somewhere I didn't know, if you were wondering. All the loving memories, all the love, all the joy, all the happiness--they were completely gone and torn apart. And the pain, the tears, the regret, the anger--they had come back into my life without any warning.

Or let's say, the good things had been gone. Yes, had been. Everything had turned into the worst nightmare since that day. Everything had turned into nothing, like basically completely truly nothing.

Nothing.

N o t h i n g .

I thought I could make my way back into the best times I had, we had together as one, but no. I had been totally, completely, and foolishly wrong about it.

He had swept away all of my hopes to be happy together with him for forever.

Or maybe, I should say, he had helped fate to do that.

Yes, fate.

That thing had made us seperated, not only oceans apart this time but two worlds apart.

His condition remained still for the next one month. Thirty days felt like thirty years with him in condition like this. He just laid there with peeping machines around him, looking as lifeless as he ever could be, and all I could do was just staring at him and praying he would make it. He must make it.

It was past midnight and I could get no sleep. My eyes felt heavy and tired but I just couldn't sleep. I rest my head beside his hand and just stared blankly at his pale face.

"Do you remember when the first time you take me to your parents' house?" I started to talk to him, though he couldn't hear. "They were really welcoming, and so were Barry and Colin. They were nice, very nice. Your mom's cooking was really really good and delicious. I guess that's why you cook well too.

"In the night, we cuddled in your earlier bed. It wasn't so spacious but somehow we could lay there. Well, you hugged me all night long. I guess that's why." I smiled sadly, remembering the warmth and realizing I hadn't felt that for a whole month. "You showed me your childhood pictures and told me every story behind them. You looked so cute and chubby. I really wanted to pinch those red cheeks if only I could. I still do." I chuckled.

"Next thing I knew was you asked me how many kids I wanted. I can still remember that clearly. I was surprised, honestly. I had never thought that far and deep and I had never thought you'd ask me that. I guess you could feel my body tensed so you said to never mind it. You just asked randomly, you said. But, I knew you really meant it. I heard it in your voice clearly. I might not see your eyes since you hugged me from behind, but if only I did, I could bet I could see a little disappointment in your eyes when I didn't answer.

"Just before you slept, I answered it. I said two or three. You just replied with a smiple okay and kissed the top of my head caringly, hugging me tighter, then we both drifted to sleep." A tear fell down from my eyes. I wiped it, trying not to break into tears this time. After that, I remained silent for few minutes.

"Stay, Markus." I whispered tiredly. "Don't leave. I need you here. I need you to make another best memories again together." A tear dropped again and fell onto his hand. "I'm not ready to lose you."