Fate | Baldwin IV

strength

"May I come in, my lord?"

The voice stirred me from the haze of sleep, dragging me back into the present. I blinked away the remnants of slumber, squinting against the afternoon light filtering through the windows as I shifted on the bed. I lifted my head slightly, feeling the dull throb of exhaustion weigh down on my limbs as I glanced up at the blurred figure. There, by the door, stood Raymond, shifting awkwardly, as if uncertain whether to come closer.

"What is it, Raymond?" My voice was hoarse, weak. A groan escaped my lips as I tried to push myself up, my body protesting every movement.

"My lord, I..." He hesitated, taking a step closer but still keeping his distance, squinting as if trying to see past the curtains around my bed to catch a glimpse of my reclining figure. "Have I come at a bad time?"

"No," I pushed myself up on my elbows, wincing at the effort it took, the simple act draining what little strength I had left. "Tell me what you've come for."

He lingered for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor as if he couldn't dare to look at me struggling. I couldn't blame him if the sight was also unbearable, I wasn't covering my face.

"I came to see you, and... well, to inform you that my men are gathered in the city for the wedding. They'll guard you and the queen until this...unrest calms. And—" He faltered, his gaze still downcast. "I must also tell you, I'll be leaving Jerusalem shortly after."

"Oh..." I muttered, slightly sinking back against the pillow. "So, you leave."

"Yes," he replied after a pause. "I don't plan to return until the coronation, at least."

I nodded, fingers resting on my chest. His departure wasn't a blow, but there was a strange hollowness to it. Raymond was...loyal when it suited him—but I'd been careful to make sure it suited him. I wasn't blind to the manipulation, nor did I ever regret it when it was done by me. Still, some part of me wondered if I should feel worse about it.

"I should thank you, Raymond," I said quietly. "For what you've done for me and Lady Y/n. And for your support in this...marriage."

Raymond shook his head slightly, the motion almost imperceptible. "I merely chose the better option...instead of the ridiculous one you kindly offered me."

I nodded, though it took more effort than I'd like to admit. A small smile tugged at my lips but before it could grow further, the familiar tightness in my chest began building again, the telltale sign of what was coming. Before I could stop it, a violent fit of coughing overtook me, rattling my lungs, leaving me gasping for air.

Raymond took a step forward, concern flickering across his face, but I raised a hand, warding him off. I could feel his gaze on me, pitying, as the violent fit kept on wracking my body. I pressed a hand to my chest, clinging to the fabric of my tunic as if it might somehow hold me together. Finally, my breath returned in ragged gasps, and I sunk back into the pillow again.

"My lord, you don't look well," he ventured, though he kept his distance. "Perhaps the wedding air and all this...is too much for you."

My breaths were shallow, each one a fight. "It's the weather, it's not good for me," I replied weakly before pausing for a brief moment to recover. "I would rather be done with it as quickly as possible," I admitted, though my voice was so thin I wasn't sure if he heard me. "But...a king's wedding is not meant to be rushed."

"I understand," he murmured, his eyes flicking to the side as if searching for something to say. "But...does she know? Does she know what toll this is taking on you?"

I wanted to shake my head, but even that small movement seemed beyond me. "I barely see her." The words came out in a rasp. "My mother's been tormenting her with all these new responsibilities... It feels good in a way, though, to share the weight of the crown for once." I managed a small smile, my gaze distant. "She's wrapped up in preparations...and perhaps it's for the best. But..." I trailed off, glancing at him before cutting it short. "I shall be fine."