The Witch and The Hunters

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

Page count: 14

Friday had vanished in a blur.

Hermione returned from work at three sharp, ditched her robes, and immediately dragged the Winchesters back into Diagon Alley for more sightseeing. She took them to Hogsmeade next — Honeydukes, of course, became Dean's new religion — and the Three Broomsticks, where Dean declared butterbeer "dangerous because it tastes like happiness."

They walked up the hill toward the Shrieking Shack, Hermione telling them its grim history like she was reading a bedtime story. She took them as close to Hogwarts as she could manage, but only one distant tower peeked through the trees.

Dean looked personally offended.

"That's it? One damn tower?" he complained.

Hermione patted his chest. "Monday."

They went home, lounged on the sofa, and spent the night bickering, teasing, and laughing until Hermione declared herself "done with humanity" and dragged Dean to bed.

~000~000~000~

Saturday morning started with Dean's hands already up her shirt, his nose nuzzling into her neck — and an owl repeatedly headbutting the window like it had a personal vendetta.

Hermione groaned. Dean chuckled, kissed the top of her shoulder, and rolled out of bed. He opened the window, and the owl swooped in with great self-importance, dropped the newspaper directly onto Hermione's stomach, and flew back out — stealing the coins she'd left for it.

Hermione sat up reluctantly, hair wild, eyes half-closed, and unfolded the paper.

Her face fell.

"And so it begins," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "The vultures are circling."

Dean climbed back into bed beside her, peering over her shoulder. Hermione read the headline aloud in a flat, unimpressed tone:

"Hermione Granger, Secretly Married?"

"Wow. Subtle." Dean's eyebrows shot up. "I'll get Sammy," he sighed, already moving.

He returned thirty seconds later, herding a half-asleep Sam into the room like a disgruntled sheepdog. Sam collapsed onto the foot of the bed, yawned so hard his jaw cracked, and blinked blearily at the newspaper in Hermione's hands.

"Alright," he mumbled, rubbing his face. "Let's hear it before Dean starts threatening to burn the building down."

Dean scowled. "I said if they printed anything stupid. Not automatically."

Sam grunted. "Same thing."

Hermione cleared her throat and started reading.

Hermione Granger: Secretly Married? Records Reveal Shocking Update

In a development that has sent shockwaves through both the Ministry and the wider Wizarding community, official records confirm that Hermione Jean Granger — war heroine, former Hogwarts Prefect, and Europe's most eligible bachelorette — is no longer a single witch.

As of early this morning, the public Ministry registers list her under a new legal name: Hermione Winchester.

Dean blinked. "Well... that's not creepy at all."

Sam winced. "They didn't even try to soften that, huh?"

Hermione kept going.

Sources within the Department of Magical Administration have verified that the change was not manually filed, but rather triggered by a magical contract of the highest order — one that automatically updates identity, marital status, and next-of-kin details.