Strangers in the night

1

Meredith Grey stared at herself in the mirror. She took in the simple curls cascading from the top of her head and the white dress encasing her body. She fingered the white mesh over her hair, before letting her fingers fall to the diamonds around her neck. She looked stunning. She looked perfect. And she should be smiling. She knew this. She was just finding it increasingly hard to smile with the tight knot forming in her stomach.

Married. She was getting married. After two years with the same guy, six months engagement...she was getting married. Really married. Forever. And ever. And ever. And she should be happy. She had spent months planning this and now it was here. And she looked perfect. She looked like a magazine bride. Except magazine brides smiled. She wanted to vomit.

This had to be normal. She just hadn't been around enough brides to know that but this had to be normal. People talked about cold feet all the time. She had read the articles, people got cold feet. She just wasn't sure if cold feet were supposed to feel like this. Because her feet weren't cold, her stomach was turning. She wasn't nervous, she was terrified. This couldn't be normal.

There were people everywhere. Cristina, Izzie, people, everywhere. His sisters too. And they were all laughing and talking and touching her veil. Telling her things, good things. Or at least she thought they were good things. She couldn't actually hear a word any of them were saying. This wasn't cold feet. This couldn't just be cold feet. This was...this was bigger.

She couldn't do this. She had spent months planning this. She had hired a wedding planner and they had spent ages going every single fine detail. And she had been happy, she thought she had been happy. And now her insides were in knots and all she could think was that she couldn't do this. She couldn't marry him. She couldn't commit to him. She wasn't this girl and she didn't think she wanted to be.

"Cristina," she murmured as they started to pull her outside for pre-ceremony pictures. Pictures for her wedding. Where she was supposed to smile. And be happy. "Cristina."

"What?" Cristina asked, tugging at her dress.

"I can't," she shook her head desperately. "I can't."

"You...what? What are you talking about?"

"This," Meredith waved her hand towards the photographer and his sisters and Izzie. "This. This is insane. Completely insane and stupid and...I can't. I can't do this. Why would I be able to do this? I'm me. I'm not...I'm not this girl and I can't be with...I can't do this. I can't. So we have to...you have to...I can't."

"What? You...it's a little late for can't do this, Mer," Cristina hissed.

"I know," she whispered, her head racing. Guests. There would be guests soon. Guests and presents and people dressed up. And he...he was getting ready. He was with his friends and getting ready. He was going to get married. They had figured out rings. And flowers. And all the details. Every last detail. He was ready. He wanted to be with her. "But...Cristina...I can't. I can't."

"Okay, Mer, breathe," Cristina murmured, pulling her to a stop as everyone else walked ahead. "When exactly did this brilliant realization hit you?"

"Um...about...five minutes ago," Meredith murmured. "I was standing there and I'm...I'm wearing a veil, Cristina. A veil. Didn't I say no veils? I thought I didn't want a veil but I'm wearing a veil. And I can't...I'm going to vomit. My feet aren't cold, Cristina. I'm not nervous. I want to throw up. I want to throw up or run or...I'm wearing a veil. And diamonds."

"Okay...is this the part when I say I told you so? Or should I be supportive first?"

"Um...I don't...can you get him? I should tell him, right? I should tell him that I can't do this, right? I should tell people that I'm not...just...be my maid of honor first and go get him."