Strangers in the night

26

Meredith sighed to herself as she pulled up to the trailer. It was Christmas, freaking Christmas. She didn't even like Christmas or at least she hadn't at some point. She wasn't sure how she felt about it this year. But she was here, at the trailer at Christmas and apparently there was going to be drinking and cheesy Christmas movies. She liked the drinking, she wasn't sure how she felt about the movies.

They had been showing Christmas specials on TV for a couple weeks now. Everytime she was off and she turned on TV, Winnie the Pooh or Charlie Brown or the Grinch was on her TV. So watching Christmas movies didn't sound appealing. Especially when she wasn't sure how to feel about Christmas this year. She was alone. Well, not alone alone. But alone.

She had been alone nearly every Christmas her entire life. She should probably be used to it by now but somehow in the last few years she had gotten used to not being alone. She had adapted to having someone there and having somewhere to go. And somehow it had been nice. And now that was all gone. She wasn't even sure if she had liked it at the time but now she missed it. Or something.

Today was not a good day. Yesterday hadn't been a good day either. For both of them. Derek had been quiet and moody and she had been...her. They missed having someone, and they missed the holidays they had gotten used to. So today was a bad day and he had promised her alcohol and cheesy movies and chicken. Which sounded fun. Or had sounded fun. Before Christmas had actually come.

Now she just wanted to stay home, in bed and hide under the covers and pretend that it was any day but Christmas. Even if spending time with Derek would be nice, she didn't want to go in. Going in was admitting it was Christmas and that she was alone. Or alone with Derek or something. Which was probably better than being alone and hiding under the covers.

Derek would understand this. He would understand the need to crawl under the covers, or consider going to work and just cutting all day long. Cutting people who got into car accidents driving to their families, or managed to get into fights with their families or...something. He would get it. But that didn't make this any easier. Him understanding didn't make Christmas easier.

"Are you going to come in?" he asked, sticking his head out his door.

"Oh I...yeah," she nodded, finally closing her car door before moving to the other side to let her still-growing puppy out. "Come on, Pip."

"Jake's been waiting impatiently for him," Derek laughed softly.

"He's excited too," she sighed, letting Pip run into the trailer, small excited barks filling the small space.

"Come here," Derek murmured, opening his arms to her.

"I'm fine, Der," she whispered, but she let him wrap his arms around her anyway. Because she needed this. And he needed it too. At least she hoped he needed it too. Because today was big. And she hadn't expected to feel like this today.

"No you're not," he whispered, resting his head against her shoulder as he squeezed her tightly.

"I just...I don't...Merry Christmas," she finally murmured. Merry Christmas. She hated that. Nothing was merry about Christmas. Even if Derek's trailer was lit up with a ton of lights, even if there was a Christmas tree and the smell of store bought chicken...there was nothing merry about Christmas. Not this year.

"You too," he sighed, still holding on to her tightly. "I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning."

"I didn't get out of bed until an hour and a half ago," she admitted quietly against his chest.

"This is hell," he mumbled.

"Complete hell," she sighed, tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she tightened her arms around him, rubbing his back comfortingly.