Strangers in the night

29

He hadn't seen her in two days. Well, he had seen her. Roaming the halls, being a doctor, looking in on patients, but he hadn't seen her seen her. And it was killing him. Not seeing her, not taking their dogs for walks together on his land, it was all killing him. He knew why he hadn't seen her. He got it. He had expected her to do this, but expecting something and it actually happening were surprisingly very different.

He actually felt lost. He couldn't remember ever feeling this way before, not even when he had been in Greece and alone for the first time in over a decade. Two days of not talking to her and it felt like he was living in some strange bubble and he had no idea what way to turn. He probably shouldn't have kissed her. It had been amazing but it wasn't worth this hell.

She was freaking out. They had kissed, really kissed, and the kiss had been amazing. But that didn't mean it was worth not seeing her for two days, not talking to her, not pulling her into his arms. Nothing was worth this. He'd give up all that peace, all the kisses, the cuddling, everything if she would just be his Meredith again. His best friend, and not the girl he had accidentally kissed.

He had to talk to her. That was becoming increasingly clear. Because this was not anything he ever had wanted to experience. He was missing his Meredith to the point it was starting to feel like a physical pain. He just needed to figure out how to start that conversation, how to actually tell her to forget about the kiss, which he didn't want to do at all.

The kiss had been amazing. For the most part, it had been chaste, gentle, not at all like the hard passionate kisses they had shared in Greece. The kiss at Joe's had been filled with something so much more than a need to fuck, a need to tear clothes off...it had been something else. And the peace he had felt during it...he wasn't ready to let that go. He wasn't ready to forget that.

But he would. He would figure out how to ignore it or something just to have his Meredith back in his life. It would be hard but it would be worth it. He just needed her to come into his office and fall onto his couch and tell him about her day. That was all. He'd be happy with that and that was good. He could deal with everything else that was going on with him some other way.

"You've done it before," Mark's voice interrupted him as his friend stood in the doorway of his office.

"What?"

"You've done it before," Mark nodded. "The get down on one knee, ask for forever thing."

"Oh," Derek frowned. "Yeah, I did."

"How'd you do it?" Mark fell into a seat.

"I...restaurant."

"Restaurant?"

"Yeah, over dinner," Derek sighed. "Actually right before dessert."

"And you got down on one knee, right? That's basically the rule?"

"Yeah, I did one knee."

"And you said what? Because I have no idea what the fuck to say since I already screwed it over."

"I said...will you marry me, I think."

"You think?" Mark frowned. "No big speeches? I thought big speeches were the rule too."

"You could do a big speech, it's up to you. Whatever feels right."

"You're not really helping me out here, Shep."

"Sorry," Derek sighed. "My head is...a mess.'

"Well, that's nothing new," Mark smirked. "What's up?"