Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

BULLDOZING BEDS AND OVERBEARING MOTHERS

JOHNNY

"I met Malachy and his siblings when I was five," Tara began, her voice coming out in soft, breathy whispers. "It was actually the night of Joey and my fifth birthday. "He was eight... and he saved me from a pitbull."

The image of the little blonde girl running for her life flashed in my mind, and I remembered something my mam had told me a few months ago. She'd mentioned that Tara had a fear of dogs, all because she'd been bitten by a pitbull when she was just a child. That must've been what she was talking about.

"And are you afraid of dogs now?" I asked gently, sensing this wasn't the easiest thing for her to talk about. "Dogs in general?"

"Just pitbulls," she clarified. "The rest of the dogs are grand."

A sense of relief washed over me. Thank God for that. At least I could introduce her to Sookie now, see how she got on with her. My dog had probably already picked up on Tara's scent anyway—she lay in my bed when she came over, and her scent of vanilla and sandalwood lingered on my sheets long after she was gone. Sookie practically knew who my girlfriend was by scent alone.

"I've never dated Malachy. I've slept with him, but I don't have any romantic feelings for him."

"And him?" I asked cautiously, not sure if I really wanted to hear the answer. "Does he have feelings for you?"

"Yeah," she said simply, but there was a depth of emotion in her voice that took me by surprise. "We've talked about it. He's never tried to force his feelings on me, wouldn't have admitted it if I hadn't asked him myself. I tried to have feelings for him..." Her voice cracked slightly, and I saw her swallow hard. "I really did. I felt guilty because he loved me and I loved him too, but not in the same way."

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and my chest tightened at the sight of it. I reached out and gently wiped it away with my thumb, my heart aching for her.

"I tried to break off our friendship a thousand times. I thought I was being cruel, keeping him around when he wanted more. I was ready to walk away so he could move on, find someone else. I didn't want him resenting me, you know?"

We were lying on her hospital bed, facing each other, her fingers lightly tracing patterns on the sheet as she spoke.

"But he wouldn't let me go. He refused to let me walk away. Said he'd rather bury his feelings and keep me in his life than lose me altogether. I told him he didn't have to hide anything from me. We both love each other—just in different ways. I never gave him a reason to think I wanted more, and he's always treated me with respect. The rumours..."

"Jesus," I sighed, the guilt sitting heavy in my gut. "I'm sorry, baby. Sorry for what I said that night at the bonfire, accusing you of cheating with him."

She shrugged, her lips curving into a faint smile. "Don't worry about it," she said softly. "A lot of people think Malachy and I are a thing. He's one of the most important people in my life. His siblings too. I'd die for them, and I know they'd do the same for me. Thirteen years of loyalty, respect, and blind trust."

"And love."

She nodded slowly, her green eyes meeting mine. "Everything I know about love, I learned from them. Malachy, Ciaran, and Niamh... They showed me what it's like to be loved just for being me. Not because I was the big sister or step up when my own mother couldn't. They taught me what it means to sacrifice for the ones you love."

"Thanks," I said, my voice hoarse with emotion. "For being honest with me."

"You're my boyfriend," she replied with a small smile.