Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

JOHNNY'S GOT A GEM JAR

JOHNNY

Somehow—don't ask me how—I'd gone and fucked it up again.

I was sitting on the Tommen rugby pitch after training, trying to pull my scattered thoughts together. We were playing BCS this Saturday, and every fiber of my being should have been focused on the game. I needed to pour everything I had into captaining the team and proving I had what it took to make the U20s squad. But instead, my mind kept drifting back to her.

Always her.

Running into her and Sean at the shop wasn't planned. Pure chance, or maybe something like fate, I'd convinced myself. Like we were tethered, bound together by some invisible string I couldn't cut. Or maybe it was just me, caught up in it—my head, my heart, my body, even my fucking balls. She had a hold on me, one I couldn't shake.

Getting her back was proving tougher than I'd ever imagined. I'd enjoyed our chat at the shop, though it probably wasn't the smartest move to call her a raccoon. Still, she'd smiled, just barely—a faint, almost invisible hint of a smile. That half-smile had been enough to keep me there, pretending to compare protein shakes for a solid thirty minutes before I'd mustered up the nerve to say anything to her.

It was only the second time I'd seen her since the breakup, and my heart had been pounding like a wild horse. Sweat was pouring off me, and despite all the practiced lines I'd gone over in my head, nothing sounded right. "Hi, how are ya?" "Tara, what's up?" "Hi, Tara," over and over, trying to strike the perfect balance between eager and chill.

Of course, none of that ended up coming out. Instead, I blurted something about her looking like a raccoon. Real fucking smooth, Johnny. Just brilliantly casual. But there was something about her that always managed to knock me off balance. When I was around her, I felt like a clueless twelve-year-old with zero game, voice cracking, and heart racing, trying to ask the prettiest girl in school out.

It was terrifying. But, God, it was exhilarating too.

After catching more than one dirty look from a mam who probably thought I was a total creep, I'd finally made my move, feeling about as confident as a mouse facing a cat. Seeing Sean there, though, maybe that was what kept Tara from bolting as soon as she saw me. She looked so torn, like she couldn't decide whether she was relieved to see me or ready to give me the boot. She was impossible to read sometimes. She'd built walls around herself that seemed even higher and thicker since everything went down, especially after the kidnapping.

"Hi, Johnny." Shannon's voice pulled me back to the present, and I glanced over to see her sitting beside me on the pitch. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, and her eyes looked red-rimmed and swollen.

I frowned. "What's wrong with ya?" I asked, worry threading into my tone. "Someone giving you shite? Was it Bella?"

She shook her head, her voice barely above a whisper. "No. I had a row with Tara."

My eyebrows shot up. "Why?"

She wiped at her face and sniffed, her eyes glistening with fresh tears. "She blew up. Yesterday. She came home with Sean, and Darren asked her where she'd been, and she just...lost it. She even had a go at Joey. I've never seen her like that. And Tadhg...she yelled at Tadhg too."

If she'd shouted at Tadhg, her favourite, then it had to have been bad.

"Why did you fight?"

Shannon looked away, guilt pooling in her midnight blue eyes. "We've all been avoiding her since...since the kidnapping. All of us, except Sean."

"You've been ignoring her?" I asked, my voice sharpening. "Why?"

She fiddled with the hem of her school jumper, not meeting my eyes. "We don't talk about that stuff at home, Johnny. Not ever. Joey and Tara have always been the strong ones. They've been the only real parents we've ever had, even more than Mum and Dad. Tara's always looked out for us, not the other way around. It's...it's awkward now."