TARA
I was on the brink of committing a murder.
I was going to commit murder.
My intended target?
None other than Jonathan Robert Kavanagh Jr., my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend and future dead man walking.
If all went according to plan, the next person to discover his remains would be some archaeologist uncovering his bones centuries from now.
It all began about thirty minutes ago when I received a call from my brother.
"Would you fucking quit it with the mango condoms already? I'm serious, both of you."
Darragh and Erin looked at me with matching shit-eating grins, each holding three boxes of said condoms, swinging them around like they were the latest trend in high fashion accessories.
"Nope," they both answered in unison, chucking the boxes into the shopping basket. "Besides, it's my house," Darragh added, smirking like the cheeky bastard he was. "I can and will stock up on as many condoms as I please. Safe sex first, ladies."
"A-fucking-men," Erin chimed in, giving a solemn nod in agreement before glancing over to the lube aisle. "How much of this should we grab?"
Christ above. We had come to the supermarket for food and drink for the party, not to stockpile enough condoms and lube to last through a weeklong orgy at the Playboy Mansion. And yet, here we were—baskets full of lollipops and condoms, but not a single damn item of food or drink.
"We'll take the whole box, darling," Darragh declared, grabbing an entire box of lube and dumping it into the cart. "We'll stash a few in each room, toss some in the bathrooms too. Lollipops, lube and condoms—a party survival kit. That way, no one's got an excuse to go bare or knock someone up and sue us afterward."
"You're a genius, babe," Erin gushed, planting a kiss on his lips like he'd just saved the world from an apocalypse.
"You two are out of your fucking minds," I snapped, glaring at the basket's ridiculous contents. "It looks like we're hosting a bleeding orgy. Did you forget we're supposed to be getting food and drinks for the party?"
"The entire point is to get you to finally ride your fella, Kitten. You both obviously want to, so as your best friends, we're just giving you a little nudge in the right direction."
My best friend, mind you, had been the one to change Jonathan's contact number in my phone—his way of exacting revenge for the time we nearly fucked in one of his house's bathtubs and not giving him the heads-up that we were back together.
"Body shots," Erin added with a wicked grin. "That'll get things steamy real quick."
"And then the classic games. Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle, Kiss, Marry, Kill... oh, and Seven Minutes in Heaven. And don't forget that outfit you bought. You'll have the poor lad absolutely begging for it. Biggest case of blue balls known to man, I guarantee."
His girlfriend nodded enthusiastically. "Going lingerie shopping with you is practically a religious experience. I'm blessed."
"Honestly, I would've felt safer in that changing room alone with Darragh than with you," I scowled, remembering how many times she'd tried to cop a feel. "You were way too grabby for someone who's hundred percent straight. Are you sure you're not a bit bi?"
"I'm not bisexual. I'm Tarasexual. Totally different."
God, give me strength...
"And for the record," Darragh chimed in dramatically, "you've fulfilled one of my fantasies. I can die a happy man now."
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Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh
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