Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

KILL ME WITH THOSE GREEN EYES

JOHNNY

Watching Tara's life unravel on national television wasn't something I'd braced for this week. There they were, dissecting every moment since she was born, all because some psychologist back at BCS mentioned her IQ test results from when she was twelve. Said she'd shown signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Now every gobshite with a microphone was calling her mad, saying she was a danger to everyone around her, that she should be locked away in an asylum. And after word got out about what went down at the Manor, it only got worse. Some ignorant eejit even had the audacity to imply that Tara was just as violent as her da, if not worse, like she was some mirror of him.

Fucking arseholes, they didn't know her like I did.

When that bile hit the air, Tadhg was ready to smash the telly in two; he'd have done it if my da hadn't grabbed him just in time. You could feel the rage rolling off him, like it was a personal insult, because it was. We all knew who Tara really was, knew she'd bled herself dry to protect her family, especially her younger siblings, from that fucker of a father.

Shannon, Tadhg, Ollie, and Sean were all trying to adjust to their new house, a fresh start without Joey—who was in rehab—and without Tara, who was God-knows-where. Shannon still went out with Claire and Lizzie now and then, and Conrad swung by often, but when she was home, she seemed... lost. Mum was always keeping her busy, buying her things for her room, treating her to new clothes for her wardrobe. It was like Mum was trying to patch a hole Shannon hadn't even acknowledged.

Meanwhile, Tadhg and Ollie spent most of their days in the old treehouse, coming down only for meals or to chase Bonnie, Cupcake, and Sookie around the garden. Of the two, Tadhg missed Tara the most—Ollie had always been closer to Joey. But Tadhg, he had a way of surprising you. During dinner, and, out of the blue, he said, "Joey and Tara have given up so much of their lives for us; it's about time they start living for themselves. And Tara's family-oriented, even if she tries to hide it. She'll be here for AJ's birth, mark my words."

Something about that didn't sit right with me. I wanted to talk to her, get her to look me in the eye and explain what was really going on. The video and letter she'd left behind weren't worth a damn to me. I wanted to hear it from her, face-to-face. Had we truly broken up? Or was that just another act in a long line of them?

Da was concerned, said this upheaval could be enough to tip Tara over the edge, especially after the way Joey handled it all. He worried she'd do something drastic. Malachy and Ciaran left for London right after the funeral, telling him not to worry, insisting Tara was tougher than she seemed. But Da couldn't shake the thought that Teddy's death might be the final straw to break her.

In all the mess, one glimmer of hope came with the reconstruction of the old Lynch house. It had shocked Shannon, Tadhg, and Ollie to see it. Turns out, a lot of the people who'd come to Ballylaggin were those Tara had rescued at the Manor, along with their families. At the request of the O'Leary brothers and Tara, they were rebuilding the house into a children's home. Once they'd cleared all the rubble, Father McCarthy would be there to bless the land.

No one had seen Tara since the funeral, but I'd been watching from a distance that night. She'd spent hours at her father's grave, talking to him softly, voice barely more than a whisper. She hadn't gone near her mother's grave, not once, and I couldn't blame her. Despite all the hell Teddy had put her through, he'd at least kept her alive, and for that, in a twisted way, I was grateful.

God, she looked beautiful. She was beautiful. My chest ached just looking at her, like it hurt to breathe around her. The darker hair suited her, but to me, she'd always be the girl with golden locks. She never looked my way once, and as much as I hated to admit it, that cut deeper than I was ready to acknowledge. Maybe we were really over. Maybe my heart just refused to accept what my mind already knew.