Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

11:11

JOHNNY

I was stunned by how composed I appeared on the outside, despite feeling like I was crumbling within. When I told my parents what had happened, Dad's voice was steady as he instructed me to stay calm and act normal with Shannon and her brothers while he and Mam went inside to call the Gardaí. But the enormity of what I'd done started weighing down on me, each second adding to the suffocating feeling. Holding little Sean, I noticed the faint smell of alcohol on his breath. It brought dark, violent thoughts to mind—thoughts I fought to keep at bay. I knew I had to go back for their mother and older sister; I'd promised I would. My every instinct screamed at me to turn around and return to that house, but, for once, I was trying to hold myself back and let the Gardaí handle it, just as Dad had asked.

With Sean nestled in one arm and Conrad trailing close behind, supporting Shannon under his arm, I led them into the sitting room, where Dad was stirring the fire back to life. It was humbling to witness the resilience of these kids—how they'd gone through an ordeal that would shake any adult and yet stood there, bravely facing forward, refusing to break. They reminded me of their sisters—survivors through and through.

"Whoa," Ollie breathed, halting in his tracks, his eyes wide with wonder as he gazed at the flat-screen TV mounted over the fireplace. He was holding a bowl of ice cream in one hand, his excitement momentarily outweighing any other thought. "This is like being in a cinema!" He pointed at the screen, nudging his older brother. "Look at the size of that thing!"

"I can see," Tadhg muttered, more focused on shoveling ice cream into his mouth. "What did you expect? They're loaded."

"Are we allowed to say that? Calling them rich?"

"Sure, isn't it true?"

"No, you can't say that," Shannon hissed, looking mortified as she shot them a glare. "Have some respect and thank Edel for the ice cream, yeah?"

"Thanks, Dellie!" Ollie chirped, beaming.

"Yeah," Tadhg mumbled, his cheeks a bit pink as he looked over at Mam. "Thanks, Edel."

"You're more than welcome, boys."

"Alright, boys," Dad said, giving the television remote a little wave. "What are we watching? We've got every channel you could think of."

"Score!" Tadhg cheered, leaping onto the couch. "Can I pick?"

"No, me!" Ollie squealed, bouncing beside him. "Please, John! Let me choose, please!"

"Me, me," Tadhg mimicked in a sing-song voice, grinning victoriously as Dad handed him the remote. "Cheers, John." Flashing Ollie a smug smile, he tapped the remote. "Sit down. You'll get a turn when Seany does."

His little brother sighed dramatically, sinking onto the couch beside him and shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth with exaggerated resignation. "It's no fair being the youngest."

"Yeah, well, try being the youngest with Tara, Shannon, and Joey breathing down your neck," he muttered, unbothered. "You just have to deal with it."

"And Darren," Ollie added thoughtfully. "He's the oldest, like."

Tadhg scoffed. "Darren doesn't count."

"Does Joey still count?"

"For now."

Satisfied, Ollie turned back to the TV, watching as Tadhg flipped through channels while Dad sat beside them, a soft smile on his face.

Mam knelt beside Shannon, her hand lightly resting on her shoulder, eyes lingering on the scratch marks marring her friend's pale skin. "Are you alright, Shannon?" she asked gently.