Needing 13 - Johnny Kavanagh

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

TARA

"A-ra!"

My baby brother came hurtling toward me the moment he spotted me at his classroom door, legs pumping and arms outstretched like he hadn't seen me in weeks. His grin was wide and bright, and his cheeks flushed pink with excitement as he closed the gap between us.

"Hiya, Seany-boo," I crouched down, ready for him, and he threw his arms around my neck, squeezing tight. I held him close, feeling the warmth and the way he pressed his little face into my shoulder. "How was your day?"

"Good," he said, breaking into a giggle as I stood up with him clinging to me. His tiny hands clutched at my collar, and he leaned back just enough to flash a toothy grin. "We did some drawing."

"Oh yeah? And what did you draw?"

"Stars," Seany announced proudly, thrusting a crinkled bit of paper at me. He'd been clutching it in his hand, and I took it carefully, looking at the stars he'd drawn in yellow crayon. Each one was scattered over the page, some big, some small, some crooked, but all of them unmistakably stars. He jabbed a finger toward the corner, where one little star stood out from the rest.

"That's you," he said, pointing.

"And why do I have a sad face?" I asked, my heart sinking as I looked closer, taking in the frown on the little star.

"Because you sad," he whispered, with a softness that broke something in me.

I stopped dead in my tracks, just standing there in the school corridor, trying to hold back the sting in my chest. Things at home were still a right mess. Joey and Shannon had been trying to get through to me, wanting to talk it all out, but I'd been shutting them down, angry and hurt. Mostly hurt, if I'm honest.

I barely remembered half of what Cormac had ranted about, how he'd gone on about Aiden, laying blame like it was some kind of twisted game. The way he framed things, trying to tear down what little we had left, had left our family raw and fractured. I didn't want their sympathy, and I definitely didn't want pity. I just hadn't expected them to look away, to brush past the wreckage like it was invisible. But that was the way we were raised, wasn't it? We shoved everything under the rug, pretending like it'd vanish on its own. But this? This was pushing the boundaries of what could be ignored. Twisted shite had happened to me. Could I change it? No chance. I'd need a bloody time machine for that. Would I go through it again? In a heartbeat. I did what I had to do to keep me family safe from monsters worse than Teddy Lynch, and I'd no regrets.

"It's complicated, Seany," I said softly, brushing a hand through his wild curls, his little face tipped up to look at me, brows furrowed like he was trying to understand it all. "But it's okay. I'm okay."

He frowned harder, lips pursed and his little hands gripping tighter. "You not bad," he insisted, his voice shaking a little.

"What?"

"A-ra not Daddy," he said, a pout deepening on his face. "Tara's sad. Not bad."

A weak smile tugged at my lips, and I hugged him closer. "Well, if my Seany says so, then I'll have to believe it."

His whole face lit up, his curls bouncing as he nodded, that wide, innocent grin splitting his face, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"My smart boy," I murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and he dissolved into giggles, squirming a bit in my arms. "How about you and me head to the park for a bit, and then we'll grab some ice cream?"

"Ice cream!" he cheered, his voice loud enough to echo, making me laugh again. "Seany loves A-ra."

"A-ra loves Seany too," I told him, my voice catching a little. "To the moon and back."