His Sanctuary [Jikook]

Chapter 43

JEON JUNGKOOK'S POV

The lack of warmth on my bed couldn't be missed as I stirred awake. I kept my eyes closed, dreading to see the light of the morning. I patted and patted on the side of my bed, only to be welcomed by a cold, empty space. Where did my little drunkard go? He could be taking a shower or downstairs, making breakfast. I wish to have stayed in bed with him a bit longer. It's a little chilly today, and I want warm cuddles.

I toss and turn to the other side, covering myself with the blanket as I intend to fall into a deep slumber once again. The muffled sounds of soft sobs and sniffs seem to take away all the drowsiness in me. I pushed the blanket off of me and got up while rubbing my eyes.

There he is. He sits on the chair facing the dresser mirror. I can not see his face, but the sounds of sniffs and the movement of his shoulders give away the fact that he's crying. My heart twists in pain as I see him. Nothing can compare to the hurtful feeling of seeing Jimin cry. It makes me feel like I've failed as his man. I feel like I've failed to keep him happy.

"Baby?..... Jimin?" I call his name as I get off the bed.

"Sweetheart?" As I approach, I notice his hands quickly wipe his tears, and then he turns around to face me. His eyes are puffy, and his face is a little swollen, the aftermath of drinking a lot the previous night.

"What's going on? What happened? Did something terrible happen? Why are you crying?" I bombard him with questions while softly caressing his cheeks.

"Nothing... I'm fine." There it is. The lie that most people say when they don't wanna open up.

"Jimin, you can't just wake up and cry, then tell me it's nothing. Talk to me, baby. What is it?" I ask, holding his hands into mine.

"It's just that..." he pauses, pressing his lips together in a thin line. Like a waterfall, his tears drop and run down his cheek. I gently wipe away his tears and pull him towards the bed. We both sit at the edge of it, and I hold his small and warm hands into mine.

"Talk to me." I beg, my heart desperately begging to be let in. I wish to know what's going on in his mind.

"Do you... do you ever think about him or her?"

His eyes are red, and tears flow endlessly as he looks at me, probably anticipating my response. I sigh, facing ahead. I know exactly who he is talking about, and the topic is a sensitive matter that I always try to ignore and bury deep inside me. I don't want to relive the pain of losing him, and I know jimin hurts just as much as I do.

"Everyday." I mutter softly.

"You know I... I was just looking at my ring. I'm so happy that you and I are going to be a family, but... I can't help but imagine how happy and perfect it would have been if he was here too. Our first child." He says, wiping his own tears and sighing heavily. I have a lot to say, a lot I'm thinking about. Yet I can't even voice out one word.

"Do you ever think about how big my belly would be? His first kick, the awful cravings, mood swings, bonding with him while he's still in my tummy. Everything would be amazing." He says in almost a whisper.

"I should've known sooner... I should've..."

"Hey hey hey.... don't do that. Don't blame yourself for something we both had no control over. None of us knew. We were both too immersed in our happy relationship, and we didn't even take note of the changes in your body. If we realized sooner, we would've saved him. He'd still be...." He cuts me off, holding my hands and looking at me with his beautiful yet red eyes.  He seems to want to say something, but he's unsure and contemplating.