I'm feeling so extremely insecure rn, so I thought I would write about it.
Also if you feel insecure, reach out for help. And if you're not able to talk about it, that's okay. Try breathing exercises and talk nice about yourself. Some of the things that usually helps me in my most difficult moments is drinking water, writing, drinking something warm, movement and rest. It's important to focus on the moments though and learn how to defeat the negative thoughts, it's not easy but it's not impossible. I'm ALWAYS here if you need to talk, I've personally grown up with body dysmorphia and negative talk about myself, and I will proudly say that I have learned how to control my thoughts. I do have moments where I'm not able to control my thoughts and I end up in a crying mess. But that's okay! It's okay to not be okay. Just know you're not alone.
Love you guys, take care.
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Tears fell from my eyes as I passed the big mirror in our hallway, I felt my body completely stop and my eyes didn't leave my body. My eyes ran over all my insecurities, and I felt sick to my stomach. sobs left my mouth and I quickly put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from making any noises, but it was impossible to keep it in. I collapsed on the floor and started crying, this time not hiding it. I ran my hands through my hair and almost choked on my own tears, i felt my heart shatter and my thoughts were running 1000 miles per minute and I couldn't stop them. I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders and I jumped feeling panic start to take over my thoughts, and I knew Hayden was confused. He knelled down beside me and softly stroke his hand over mine and I let him.
The crying started to stop but the thoughts didn't, I wasn't able to stop them this time. Soon after I felt him grab my arm and he put me close to him, I gasped softly at his sudden action but fell into his touch. He rested his chin on my head and left small kisses. His sent filled my nose and his touch calmed me down, and the thoughts disappeared. It didn't take long for them to return though, and I instantly felt more tears run down my cheek. He pulled me into him even tighter this time and ran his hands through my hair. I looked at myself once again in the mirror and my eyes meet his, he had followed my eyes as they ran over my body and I sighed looking down at my hands, feeling almost ashamed. He then started to run his hands over my body, it wasn't sexually, it was more calm and gentle. He then planted small kisses on my arms and further down, until he stopped. I felt comfortable in that moment, watching his every move and his soft lips on my body felt nice. He looked up into the mirror again and connected his eyes with mine, a warm smile formed on his mouth, but I didn't smile back. I was speechless and couldn't move, tiredness had taken over my body and all I could do was look at him.
I put my head back so it was against his chest and I felt my eyes get heavy, I fought to keep them open but it got too heavy and my eyes closed, Sleep took over my body soon after, it was almost the best feeling I had felt in awhile, even thought it was the worst.
