I SAT ON THE LEDGE with janesa, looking over the sunset. when i told her i didn't know where we could go this late, she took me here. she says she come here a lot, and i realized she isn't what i thought she was. no, she's beautiful, she is sexually appealing but she's just as sad as i am. she can't fix my sadness and somehow i still want her.
guess that just proves how selfless i am.
"no, billie. you have a personality that ecan rock someone's world... well that's what it's doing to me." she told me. i wrapped my arm around her, one knee pulled up to my chest as she was right, this is a view that really makes you think.
her phone rang, i glanced at it before she could. her dad. she got up right away and answered, "ciao, papà." i heard her say, and it made my heart flutter. she started speaking in italian, and i didn't know what she was saying, but it sounded cute.
"arriverò presto, ti amo, ciao."
she sat down next to me, "you okay?" i asked, "yeah, it's just my dad. he doesn't like being alone." she said, and it made me chuckle, and think about my dad, who loves his alone time, "why?" i asked, "my dad charishes it."
"i dont know, he wasn't like that before... then my mom died."
"she seems nice."
"she was.. but most of the time she wasn't."
"what do you mean?" i tried to keep my tone as comfortable as possible, hoping she'd keep talking and not change the subject. "she'd hit me, blow smoke in my face and curse but i still loved her. but dad loved her so it's whatever. whatever. i have to get to him."
"yeah, i can take you home." we got in the car and i drove her home. in front of her house, she gave me a hug. i wanted her to kiss me, but the hug was just enough. she pulled away, "can i kiss you?" i asked, hoping i didn't show weird.
"no." she kissed my cheek and got out of the car. she waved at me through the window, and i still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. i went home and sat around with my brother for a while. i charish those moments, but i had texted janesa and was hoping she'd hit me back soon... or now, something to let me know i still mattered, even if just a little.
"billie, are you okay?"
"yes, will you stop asking?" i asked, laughing but only a little.
janesa: hey babe
billie: hi
janesa: im so tired. im going to go to sleep soon, you?
billie: ill go to sleep when you go to sleep
janesa: you go to sleep when you want to, baby
janesa: i enjoyed hanging out with you
billie: thanks
billie: you're pretty cool too
janesa: thanks for liking me
billie: no problem
i texted her, but then assumed she fell asleep, so i put my phone down and surprisingly got a little peace.
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𝙅𝙋𝙊𝙑
i sat on kasen's bed, watching him play video games. he invited me over, and he told me he hated playing in front of me but he's hanging out with his friends.. i said i'd sit near by.
he suddenly took off his headphones, i had heard him tell his friends i was here, and could hear them ooing and awing as he turned to me- his headset was that loud- did he want me to hear?
