"WE'RE NOT JUDGING YOU, BILLIE." i didn't wanna fucking talk about janesa. i was still figuring her out myself, not everyones looking at me weird. it was quiet... finally. "she's a very pretty girl.." i groaned and threw the pillow on the ground, going into my bedroom.
janesa: i wanna see youuuuuuuuuu
billie: okay i want to see you too
billie: nessa im so sad
billie: i always get like this when i leave the states
billie: ughhhhh (sent 3:34 pm)
janesa: billie please come back (read 6:47 pm)
janesa: i want you to be okay
janesa: ill never fucking forget about it
billie: im coming home. what are you doing for the rest of the day? (sent 4:44 pm)
i dont know where home exactly is in my head. in my bed with her? or dead. i pulled myself together and masked my actually feelings again.
i was on the plane crying. i dont know why, nessa's not texting me back and im not sure where she is or what she's doing. why am i so in love with her? this is so stupid.
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JPOV
i held onto kasen, running my fingers through his hair. "ive just been working. trying to convince you to marry me."
i chuckled.. but billie was on my mind. why is he here?
"that whole billie eilish thing was a joke, right? yeah, it was. we can move on."
we just had sex, it was better; im trying to convince myself. i got caught up in her, i forgot about everything else. i wish it didn't matter.
billie: im home
i cleared my throat, "hey, you should head home. i have work tomorrow, i dont wanna fall asleep on you." he kissed me, "you're right. i love you."
i smiled, "i.. okay."
he laughed and put his pants on and tried to stall before i kicked him out.
i rushed to my phone.
janesa: pick me up?
billie: on my way
i showered and put her shorts on. her clothes are so cute im sorry. i brushed my hair then wait outside for her. i got in and hugged her.
"you look so nice."
"hey, ness."
"let's go get something to eat."
"im too tired... can we eat at my house?" i nodded, "of course." i held her head as she drove, playing her her rings. "how was london? besides the blues?" i asked, "fine. i met a lot of fans, that was really fun." i wanna kiss her so bad. when i tell her i miss her, i wish she knew how serious i am.
"and... i just.." she made eye contact with me at a red light. i laid a kiss on her lips, and pulled away, sitting back in my seat. we got to her house, and i me ther brother. he's really cool, very normal. i met his girlfriend claudia too, she's spectical of me but its okay, im a girl she should be spectical of i guess.
we went to her room with our food, "you good?" she asked me, sitting at the bottom of her bed, "mhm. why wouldn't i be?" i asked, "just asking.. you kissed me tonight."
i smiled, "i did." she shrugged, a smile on her face. "you still talking to kasen?" yikes. "yeah." i didn't lie, "so.. you dont like me?" she asked, "bil-"
"im so confused. how can you like me and him at the same time?"
"i dont like him!"
"so why do you keep messing around with him? why'd you sleep with that guy at the party right in front of me?" she asked, and she had completely stopped eating. "billie, i dont know. im confused too, i have no idea if i can love you. i have no idea if i can be what you need."
"you can. you're already doing it... but you know what's not being what i need?"
"what?"
"playing with my feelings. you have to choose between me or you. if you really cared about me, you'd leave me alone. if you chose me, you'd chose to be my girlfriend."
