i groaned, rubbing my eyes, "yep!" i shouted back, "you up!?" i smacked my lips at the super obvious question. "yep!"i got up and stood in the mirror for a while. my brain filed through thoughts for a second, and the first one was janesa. she's so cute, i dont even think she realizes it. sure, i over thought about kiss question, but i couldn't help myself.
i dont usually even jump for girls so fast, she was just too good to pass up.
billie: hey
i tried not to glance at my phone too much, so i got in the shower, but found myself looking as soon as i got out.
janesa: heyy
billie: you busy today?
janesa: just working until 7
janesa: but after that, im free bby
billie: can i take you somewhere?
janesa: fuck yeah you can lol
billie: lmk the time
she didn't text me back, i assumed she was already at work. during rehersal, she was on my mind. she was on my mind so much, it irritated me. my brain was somewhere else. i just got home from being on the road, it feels good to be home. i like how janesa treats me like a person, she doesn't care that im famous, she just wants to hear about me, but i still perfer to avoid talking about myself.
janesa: so sorry bby
janesa: 8 is good
billie: cool ill be to pick you up
janesa: ur texting back so fast, you miss me?
billie: i miss u
janesa: i knew it!!
janesa: so you gonna tell me abt urself?
billie: dont you know me?
janesa: ugh! so bitchy!
billie: see
janesa: im sorry im joking bil bil
janesa: ill ask the questions, okay?
billie: alr
janesa: have you ever dated a girl?
billie: nope
janesa: bull crap how do you know you like me?
billie: who said i liked you, girl?
janesa: dont make me cry :(
billie: im not makin you cry babe dont cry
billie: i just gotta hang out w you more
janesa: oh okay. cant wait until i see u in person
billie: why? you like me nessa?
janesa: ha! ur so funny, billie omgggg
janesa: shut up and call me
i looked around, making sure no attention was on me before walking to my room. i sat in my chair, hesitating before pressing the facetime button.
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𝗝𝗣𝗢𝗩
i answered the phone with a big smile on my face. why's she so cute? i giggled, "dont act all unbothered. you love seeing me." she laughed, "oh shut up." we talked, i told her about my day and my creepy coworkers while her dog shark caused chaos behind her.
"can i show you the new shoes i bought? or do you not care?"
"i care so much, babe. let me see." not only is she the cutest thing ever, she's so silly. she makes me laugh, and she's already carrying my feelings like she couldn't never ever let them drop.
"so your ex isn't still in your life?" as soon as she asked that, a text message from him came on my phone. i clearly read it, but swiped it off the screen, "he is." i answered truthfully. "he is.. ookay.." she said, running her fingers through her cute blue hair.
"but we're not dating. he's not my boyfriend. is your ex boyfriend still in your life?"
she laughed, flashing those pearly whites, "no fucking way... what happen?" i shrugged, "he didn't love me anymore." i truly believed this. sure, he's been texting and calling, telling me how sorry he is and how he always just wanted to help me. we got together during a fucked up time in my life, i wasn't mentally okay and he helped me, he took care of me like my narcisistic father did before my mom died.
he knows everything, he knows about my SA, he knows about my BPD, and i hate it. i hate that he doesn't love me anymore, since i trusted him so much.
i dont want that all on billie, that's why im so torn on taking her seriously.
"i dont mind how much pain you cause me, nessa." her statement came out of no where.
