I SWUNG MY hotel door open and fell into billie's arms. she wrapped her arms around me, kissing my cheek. i missed her more than she knows. "hey. this is nice." she said, looking around my room, "i know, i cleaned before you came. thats how much i care."
we got in bed together, and i held her and she spoke to me. i missed that voice so much.
"is all this okay with you?"
"what do you mean? this was my idea." billie told me, writing something in her journal. "i mean, we dont have to be together. those big blue eyes trailed to mine, and she slowly laid a kiss on my lips. i sighed, scooting closer to her and closing my eyes to gether my thoughts.
"if it's too much o-or you really think you could do better, tell me."
"it aint nothin to tell you.. im hungry, thats what i can tell you. any good food in new york?" i shrugged, smiling, "for you? maybe not, vegan." she started tickling me, and we started play fighting, ruining the bedding. we couldn't leave, so i as laid my head on her chest, she presuaded me to try some new food.
"yeah, i could eat that... buttt i just love chicken nuggets."
"im not getting you that," she laughed, "look, they have vegan ones."
i kissed her, "okay."
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i was expecting this to be awkward, i was scared she'd wanna argue, but not at all. we had eaten, and she fell asleep. she told me she was tired, this new job that she has is busy.
in the morning, she got ready to go to work. she didn't seem to happy about it but she told me she was grateful. i did my best to cheer her up.
while she was in the bathroom, her phone lit up with a text message.
weird, the wallpaper is of her and some black guy. he's hot, and he's also kissing her cheek. she's been sheilding her phone from me since i got here.
she came out of the bathroom, grabbed her phone, kissed me and told me goodbye. "you okay?" she asked, "im fine. have a good day." that shit was running through my head all day. maybe that's her friend. maybe im paranoid.
i did some work, and while i was there, she sent me a picture of her with all her friends, the black guy included in the ground.
billie: hey that guy was on your wallpaper
nessa: it changes hourly :)
billie: what are you doing, baby?
nessa: about to eat im so hungry
nessa: wish we could go out, i really wanna have fun with you
billie: i might be able to pull some strings
nessa: yay
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"nessa! you're being lazy, c'mon. you think these investors are gonna see this and put money into us?"
i dont wanna walk for investors, i wanna walk for the girls and boys who love fashion. i know their out there, im just slowly loosing movitation for this shit. it's okay, a few more checks to save up and im out, school starts in just a month.
these aren't small checks, these are like $200,000 each walk. not all of this feels good, i have survivers guilt, watching frankie shoo off girls every other day, and all i did to get here was love my girlfriend and post of social media. im not stupid, it's because of who my girlfriend is and my looks. they think they'll get close to her because she's close with me, but im pretty sure that wont be happening. billie doesn't even wanna be seen with me right now.
