im on a plane to new york right now. im still too sad to use social media or even text my friends back. i was so excited for school, i had horrible timing though. it wasn't exciting to lose my girlfriend.
we hadn't been together for long, and that's all the reason to save our relationship before it changed for the worse and we'd hate eachother after all that.
people on the internet are being way weirder, harassing me and asking billie too many questions. i watch all her interviews, listen to her music until i fall asleep, it all makes it feel like she's still with me, even though we haven't spoken in a month and 2 weeks.
i move into my dorm in 2 months, by then ill be working with freddie (the fashion designer who's flying me out today) and going to school.
i just wish things could have worked out.
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BPOV
i sniffled, wiping the tear from my eye as i sat on the couch, waiting for my time to go on stage. ive refrained from texting janesa, she probably doesn't wanna hear from me.
i fell in love but deep down i knew it'd end sooner or later. sooner might've been the best for us. my albums coming out soon and im gonna be working a lot, even if nessa was still here i dont think id see her a lot.
i keep seeing the insta post and the tweets.. i wish they could just forget about it like im trying to do. i just so emotional during the show, that i cried. i got off of stage 2 hours later, and laid in my bed. i wish nessa was here, she was so good at helping me out. but she didn't want me anymore.
i was scrolling on instagram, constatly refreshing.
jagosti0
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jagosti0 still sad but def a blondie liked by 1,000,000 others
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user: NO U AND BILLIE WERE SO CUTE
user: that was too fast i was getting comfortable
user: so ur on the market now???
user: you bitch i knew you'd hurt her
user: i hope billie's ok :(((
im not okay. she's so fucking fine i hate that i fumbled her so badly. i was crying so badly, fighting the urge to text her. i wanted to curse her out for posting like everything's okay... and that's what i did. expect, i didn't text, i called.
2 rings later, she picked up. "hello?"
"why you posting like we're fine? we're not fine. we're not fine at all."
"i just knew it'd get your attention.. i've been texting and texting.. do you like my hair?" i sighed, covering my face. i do, i like her hair a lot. "no, i fucking hate it." i answered, hanging up the phone. i threw my phone across the room and got under my covers. all the way underneath.
i heard my phone ringing from across the room. nessa's in new york, i still have her location.
i went and picked it up. "what?"
"can you not hang up? can you teach me how to use this tv?" i stifled a laugh, "what kind of tv?"
"good fucking question. this remote sucks so bad."
"unplug the shit."
we ended up talking all night. she told me about her having such a fun time in new york, but she misses me, and she wishes i could be there. "well, i'll be there next week for the show."
"really? can you come see me?"
"we're broken up."
"im sorry. im sorry, i really dont mean to pull you in and out, billie. im sorry im wasting your time, i just dont know what the fuck i want in life, but i know that i want you. i know i need you because i hate that i got so attached but being with you feels so good. plus, i was a random bitch before i met you, and im somebody now? that's so fucking crazy." she giggled.
"ill come see you soon, ness."
"okay... i love you, bil."
"i love you too, ness."
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i hope yall likin it. vote and comment if you want. plz, i like talking to you guys. 2 more chapscoming.
