𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗔𝗖𝗛, billie eilish.

t.b #4

I WOKE UP IN KASEN'S BED coming down from a terrible high. i hate the weed he smokes. his sex was okay, it wasn't fun. worth it? probably, only because he gave me some attention. i went home and played chess with my dad. he still cries a lot.

billie: hi

janesa: hi bil

billie: i have a show. wanna come to rehearsals with me?

janesa: fuck yes

billie: ill pick you up in an hour?

janesa: im waiting for you

i showered and got ready. i put on billie's jacket on top of my white croptop, and black sweats. dressing up is nothing, my makeup is what i indulge in. as soon as i was all pretty, she texts me.

billie: outside

i grabbed my purse and went outside. "you look pretty. nice jacket." she said, knowing it was hers. "thanks, i got it from a hottie." we got breakfast at some place ive never heard of, but it was so yummy, and then we headed there.

there weren't many people here, just fineas and backstage people.. who seems not mind that im here.. i hope.

she sings so good, you know that but
it's different in person.

we played around in between, i have too much fun with her. we went back to her house, and i stayed in her room. i love it in her, her bed's comfortable.

we listened to music and just talked. it's not awkward for quiet. i dont know why i wanna kiss her, i dont know why i wanna right up underneath her.

i guess i didn't care, i clung onto her the entire time. she likes touching me just as much as i like touching her.

i fell asleep with my head on her lap, it was probably the best sleep ive had in ages. last thing i remember is her singing.. she sounds like an angel.

when i woke up, i was in her bed, she was sleeping beside me. i watched her for a moment... ive never seen anything like you. i got up, sliding her huge hoodie over my body. i look good in anything thats hers. i went into her closet.. i random rope hanging from the ceiling but that's just billie. i took an old tshirt.. it was nice and her smell lingers all over her room, all over me even after i've hung out with her, and had gone home.

i heard the toilet flush, and turned towards the bathroom door. "you good?" she asked, "im fine." i answered, and she approached me, "i need to get home to my dad." 

"you know ill take you home."

i hugged her.. i know she wants to kiss but i wont let it happen. i kissed her cheek, and she put her shoes and hoodie on so she could drop me off.

"there's a party tomorrow.. wanna go with me?"

i smiled, "maybe." i hugged her once more and got out of the car. i went insdie my house where my dad was sitting with a therapist at the dinner table. i felt 8 years old again, that day i caught him cheating on my mother with a girl that was definetly no older than 14. at the time, it wasn't about her age, even though now i know it's terrible, it was more about how betrayed i felt by the man who raised me.

my mom only died 2 years ago, im still not over it, i dont think i ever will me. "hi, hon.. this is katie, my doctor." katie was older than me, but not as old as my mother, who'd be 47 tomorrow. "okay." i said, going upstairs. i looked at the picture of my mother, thinking about how many egg shells i'd be walking on with billie, due to her critcisim. i know she'd verbally rip me apart until i pushed billie away. 

but i'd still love her.  

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you like it so far? i hope so. i was really anxious about writing this, but it's getting easier. 

vote, comment if u want. thks for reading