Sorry, Not Sorry

-50

"Here we are." He says, stopping under the big ornate gate which marks the entry to the Chinese gardens. Three bells hang from the stone structure, rusted from years of hanging in rain and sun. Through the gate is a raised bridge, a polished white stone carved into flowers and arches. We stop halfway across the bridge, my arms resting just on the railing when I lean against it. 

The bridge goes over a creek, three or four metres down, and on the other side is a small pond, bordered in dark rocks with turtles basking on them. Leaves flutter down from the surrounding trees into the murky water.

"Well..." Max says breathily, leaning over the banister to look down at the water. "This place is nice." He says, pausing, "quiet." 

I smile with a nod, moving closer to him. "Quiet? There's literally only birds and trees everywhere else, as well." 

He elbowed me playfully, flicking his hair back again. "Rude! You know what I mean, don't you?"

"Of course." I smile over my shoulder, turning and making my way down the bridge. My hand glides along the smooth banister as I walk by. He follows slowly with his hands in his pockets, looking at me as I run down the three steps to the next viewpoint, a lowered stone slab with the same ornate carvings on the fence. little purple flowers on spiky plants bloom around us as he steps down after me. 

"I have a question." Max says, coming up next to me. 

"Yeah?" 

"I've got a show tomorrow night." He says. "Do you want to come?" 

My eyes light up. "Yeah, of course I'll go." Then I pause, "But I usually go anyway,  why's this one any special?" 

He shakes his head, trying to hide a smile. "No reason. I'd just love for you to be there."

I raise an eyebrow, ignoring the heat in my cheeks. "Right, I'll come." I say. I never say no. I never tire of hearing his voice.

"Thank you, Xay. I'm really excited." 

"Yeah?" I say as we start walking off again. "It has been a while since you've performed on stage."

"I've missed It" Max said, taking  a deep breath. "But I'm ready to keep going. I've been gone for long enough."

-

Delilah dropped me off after work. I cradle my wrinkled jacket in my hands as I get out of her car. I wave her goodbye, watching as she pulled out and left. Looking at the wide doors, I bit my lip. I was still wearing my white shirt from work, pulled up to the elbows, and the straight black pants, but it felt all too... serious. I pull the brown jacket on, placing my water down to shimmy into the coat. 

I adjust the collar, feeling uncomfortable. I take one deep breath before patting my pockets and heading in, feeling like I could choke on the lump in my throat. 

It wasn't very packed in front of the stage, so I decided to buy a drink before grabbing a spot. When I turn around from the bar, there's hardly any space. Awesome. I grit my teeth, grabbing onto my drink with both hands as I weave through the crowd. I find a spot somewhere near the middle where I can see the stage decently well and there aren't as many people pushing against each other.

I wait five or ten minutes for Max to appear on stage, holding the cup in my hands hardly taking any sips. They have random music playing on the speakers as we wait for Max, and a few people around me are dancing, their hair swaying as they dance all too energetically for the tone of the music. A few times people try to speak to me, and as someone who could not hear them, I nod with an awkward smile, before looking away. I inwardly pray for Max to show up.