Between the desks

Chapter 53

Amren's POV

After a much-needed night of rest, Lily and I woke up to the soft light filtering through the curtains. I could still feel the weight of yesterday's emotions, but there was a sense of clarity that only sleep could bring. I slipped out of bed, feeling a bit more like myself again, and rushed to the bathroom, eager to wash away the remnants of the previous day. The hot water felt therapeutic as it cascaded down, and I scrubbed my face as if I could physically remove the tears and the tension that had built up. By the time I stepped out of the shower, I felt cleaner, not just in body but in spirit.

I slipped into my favorite cozy outfit: soft, worn-in darkgrey pants and an oversized sweater that felt like a warm hug. The familiar weight of my black Dr. Martens grounding me as I laced them up, their sturdy presence a comforting reminder of strength. I pulled my scarf from the hook and wrapped it snugly around my neck, bracing myself for the chilly autumn air outside.

While I was getting ready, I could hear the faint sounds of Lily moving around in the kitchen. By the time I joined her, the smell of eggs sizzling in the pan mixed with the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. We sat down, and without much conversation, we devoured our breakfast. The eggs were soft and fluffy, the coffee strong and bitter – just what I needed to shake off the lingering grogginess. Our morning was chaotic, but familiar in a way that made it easier to face the day ahead. After we finished eating, we went out onto the balcony for a cigarette, the sharp coldness of the morning making each drag feel sharper, more refreshing. The smoke curled lazily around us, and for a moment, I allowed myself to just be, enjoying the simple pleasure of it.

Once we were done, I grabbed my long black coat, pulling it tightly around me as the chill hit my skin. Today, we had decided to take the motorcycle. It was faster, and something about the rush of the wind felt like it might help clear my head. As we sped through the streets, the familiar hum of the engine beneath me, I tried to keep my mind focused on the day ahead. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the nervous energy building up inside me.

We arrived at school just in time, hurrying into the building and making our way to Professor Olsen's class. The halls were buzzing with early morning chaos—students chatting loudly, some still half-asleep, others far too energetic for such an early hour. The noise was grating, almost too much for me to handle this morning. I wished I could be anywhere else.

By the time we reached the classroom, I had already pulled out my notebook, flipping through the pages in an attempt to look occupied. But I couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. Lily leaned in close, her warm breath tickling my ear. "You'll be okay," she whispered softly, her voice filled with the kind of certainty I desperately needed but couldn't quite muster myself.

I turned and mouthed a quick "thank you," but the truth was, I wasn't sure I believed her. My stomach was in knots, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. In fact, I was dreading this class more than anything. Being in the same room as Professor Olsen felt like torture these days, and today, of all days, I'd have to face her in a one-on-one tutoring session later. Just thinking about it made my chest tighten. I didn't want to admit it, not to Lily, not to myself, but the truth was clear: I had feelings for her. And those feelings were tearing me apart.

Professor Olsen was always there, lingering at the edges of my thoughts, pulling my attention away no matter how hard I fought it. It was exhausting, and the more I tried to suppress it, the more consuming it became.

As I sat there, waiting for the class to start, I could already feel the anxiety rising. The door suddenly slammed shut, a loud, authoritative sound that immediately cut through the noise of the students' chatter. Instantly, the room fell silent. The control she had over the class was undeniable, and I couldn't help but be a little awed by it. Maybe even a little... attracted to it. But I couldn't let myself think like that. Not now.

"Good morning, class," her voice rang out, clear and commanding, filling the room effortlessly. I looked up, and for a moment, our eyes met. It was brief, but it was enough to send my heart racing. She was beautiful, in that effortless, confident way that seemed to pull everyone in without trying. I couldn't look away, even though I knew I should. Eventually, she broke the eye contact, and I felt a mix of relief and disappointment wash over me.

"Today, we will continue with our analysis of the literature," she announced, her voice firm, full of authority. No one dared to speak out of turn when she was in control.

She began explaining the text, moving around the room with that same ease, but I found it impossible to focus. My eyes followed her, tracing her movements as she spoke, completely oblivious to the words coming out of her mouth. My heart thudded in my chest, a steady, uncontrollable beat that quickened every time she came closer to my side of the room.

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I blinked, startled, and turned to find Lily grinning at me, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "You're staring," she whispered, a playful glint in her eyes.

Heat rushed to my face as I quickly looked down at my notebook, pretending to be engrossed in my notes. I cleared my throat, embarrassed, but also annoyed at myself. Why couldn't I just focus? Why did she have this power over me?

I tried to write something, anything, but my mind was racing, thoughts tangled between guilt, desire, and confusion. Today was going to be a long day, and I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through my tutoring session with her later. But one thing was clear: I couldn't keep pretending these feelings weren't there.