Between the desks

Chapter 75

Elizabeth's POV

The next day dragged on like an eternity, each minute slower than the last. I was on edge, my nerves raw, and every little thing set me off. I knew I was snapping at my students more than usual. They didn't deserve it, but I couldn't help it. The stress, the guilt—it was suffocating me. Every time I looked at the empty seat where Amren used to sit, a knot tightened in my chest. Her absence was a physical pain, an unfillable void in the room. The guilt gnawed at me, relentless.

Lily was in class too, but she looked just as bad as I felt. Worse, maybe. Her hair was unkempt, a messy tangle as though she hadn't bothered to comb it. Her makeup was absent, her face pale and drawn, dark circles under her eyes. She was wearing a baggy jogging suit, something I'd never seen her in before. She barely paid attention during the lesson, staring at her desk, fidgeting with her hands. I knew she had stayed up all night, and the exhaustion was written all over her. The air felt heavy between us, and I couldn't focus on the lesson either. My mind kept drifting back to Amren—what condition she was in, whether she'd woken up, what I would say when I saw her. It was all too much.

When class ended, Lily didn't rush out with the others. She stayed behind, lingering by her desk as the other students filed out. Her face looked even more worn close up, and her eyes were red-rimmed, as if she had been crying recently. She walked over to my desk slowly, her movements sluggish and weighed down by the grief she was carrying.

"I know that she talked to you," Lily said quietly, her voice soft and trembling. She was trying to keep it together, but it was clear she was barely holding on. I could only imagine the night she'd had, sitting in that sterile hospital room, praying for her friend to pull through.

"I did," I admitted, my voice barely more than a whisper. I couldn't meet her eyes. Guilt was clawing at me, but I knew this conversation was inevitable.

Lily shifted her weight, looking down at the floor for a moment before she spoke again. "What did you say to her?" she asked, her voice still calm, but I could hear the emotion lurking beneath the surface. "Professor, she tells me everything. I know she has feelings for you."

She said it so plainly, but it felt like a dagger to the chest. I cleared my throat, trying to steady myself, but the guilt was already creeping up, threatening to choke me. "I told her I don't feel the same way," I said, barely able to get the words out. Each syllable felt like a betrayal.

Lily's eyes narrowed, and she finally looked up at me. There was a softness in her gaze, but also a kind of sadness that was hard to miss. "Do you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "Not feel the same way?" The question was gentle, but the weight behind it was immense. There was a small flicker of hope in her eyes, as if she was silently praying that I would finally admit the truth, that I would be honest with her—and with myself.

I swallowed hard, my throat dry. "I feel the same way," I finally confessed, the words heavy as they left my mouth. "I lied to her." The guilt that had been simmering beneath the surface now erupted. I could feel it flooding my chest, making it hard to breathe. "I did it to protect us both," I continued, my voice faltering. "Because if I say yes to her, if I admit how I feel... I don't think I'll be able to stop."

Lily's eyes filled with tears, her face crumpling for a moment before she sighed. She looked so hurt, so deeply worried, and I knew she wasn't just thinking about Amren. She was thinking about the two of us, what we had all gotten ourselves into. "You should really tell her this," Lily said, her voice soft but firm, her gaze unwavering. "When... if she wakes up."

The hope in her voice was heartbreaking. It hung in the air between us like a fragile thread, as if we were both too scared to even consider the possibility that Amren might not wake up. I nodded, my throat tightening again as I tried to keep my composure.

"I will," I promised, my voice shaking a little. My hands felt clammy, and I could feel the unease spreading through my entire body. I was terrified—terrified of what might happen when I finally saw her again, terrified that I had waited too long to tell her the truth.

Lily sighed again, wiping her eyes. "I want to visit her today," she said after a long pause, her voice trembling again. "But if you're going, I understand."

For the first time that day, a small glimmer of hope flickered in her eyes when I mentioned seeing Amren. It was like she was relieved that I was finally willing to confront everything that had been left unsaid. "No," she said quickly, her voice more animated than it had been all day. "It's okay. I'll go tonight. Take your time."

I nodded again, grateful for the understanding. When we said our goodbyes, I practically bolted for the door. I couldn't stay in that classroom for another minute, not with the guilt still tearing me apart.

The moment I stepped outside, I broke into a run. I didn't care if anyone saw me; I just needed to get to my car, to get away, to do something. My heart was pounding in my chest as I reached my car and threw myself inside, my hands shaking as I gripped the steering wheel. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but the guilt was still there, gnawing away at me.

I needed to see Amren. I needed to tell her the truth.