Between the desks

Chapter 54

Elizebeth's POV

When class finally ended, my stomach churned with nervous energy. The tutoring session with Amren loomed over me like a dark cloud, and as much as I tried to calm myself, I couldn't shake the dread that settled deep in my chest. Today wasn't the day I wanted to face her. Not after the realization that had hit me yesterday, like the final piece of a puzzle clicking into place, completing an image I wasn't ready to see.

I wasn't ready to admit what was happening. Not to myself, not to anyone. These feelings I had—swirling around like a storm, pulling me under—were the last thing I wanted to confront. I had fought so hard against them, trying to push them down, to keep things professional. But it was getting harder with every glance, every conversation. These feelings weren't fun or exciting. They were terrifying. They made me feel vulnerable, exposed. And that wasn't something I could afford. Not with a student. Not with Amren.

I was so lost in thought, in the chaos inside my own mind, that I didn't even notice her approach until she was right there in front of me. Amren stood by my desk, her presence pulling me back to reality. Her voice, soft and inviting, broke the bubble of panic I had wrapped myself in.

"Hi, professor. Is the tutoring in your office again?" she asked, her tone gentle but with an underlying warmth that made my stomach twist into knots.

I forced myself to look at her, trying not to react to the tingling sensation building in my chest. Why did it feel so much more intense today? Yesterday, I could at least breathe around her, could maintain some semblance of composure. But now, I felt like a wreck, like the ground was shifting beneath my feet.

"Yes, in my office again," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady, professional. But it wavered, betraying the tension that hummed just beneath the surface. I hoped she didn't notice, but deep down, I knew she probably did.

Amren gave me a small, knowing smile. "After you, professor," she said, her voice soft yet laced with something else. Something almost seductive.

I stood up, suddenly too aware of everything—the way my heart raced in my chest, the slight tremble in my hands, the sound of her footsteps behind me as I led the way. Each step felt heavy, my mind racing with questions I didn't have the answers to. Was this what being in love was supposed to feel like? This unbearable, all-consuming awareness of someone else?

I didn't recognize this feeling, didn't understand it. I never felt this way with Robbie. Sure, I had cared about him, even loved him in a way, but never like this. Was I ever really in love with him? Or was that just an idea of love I had clung to because it was safe? These questions had been haunting me for days now, keeping me up at night, invading my thoughts during the day.

By the time we reached my office, I was barely holding it together. My hand trembled as I reached for the door, pushing it open with a bit too much force. "After you," I mumbled, my voice low, almost as if I were afraid of saying anything at all. I tried to take a steadying breath, but it didn't help. My pulse was still racing, my thoughts spiraling out of control. Stop this, Liz. You're acting like a teenager with a crush, I scolded myself internally, but the voice in my head did nothing to calm the storm brewing inside me.

Amren walked past me into the office, and I felt the air shift. Her presence was almost suffocating, and I hated how it made me feel—weak, out of control. I had to pull myself together. I closed the door behind us, the sound of it clicking shut far too loud in the otherwise quiet room. I moved to my desk, hoping that the familiar setting would help me regain some control, help me find the icy, professional mask I usually wore so easily. But no matter how hard I tried, that mask was nowhere to be found today.

I sat down, feeling the cool wood of the desk beneath my palms, grounding me slightly. Amren sat across from me, and I was painfully aware of how close she was. Too close. I cleared my throat, trying to shake off the dizziness in my mind.

"Did you do your homework?" I asked, my voice sounding strained, too tight. I needed this conversation to be normal, to feel like any other tutoring session.

"Of course I did, professor," Amren replied with a playful smile, reaching into her bag to pull out her notebook. As she handed it to me, our fingers brushed—just for a second—but the spark that shot up my arm was undeniable. It sent a shiver down my spine, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

I was losing it.

I forced my eyes to the page in front of me, willing myself to concentrate on her work, to push everything else aside. But the words blurred together, and I couldn't make sense of any of it. My mind was too busy replaying that brief touch, the electricity of it still lingering in the air between us.

"Is it any good, professor?" Amren's voice pulled me out of my daze. She sounded hesitant, almost uncertain, and it made me look up at her again.

I swallowed hard, feeling my throat tighten. I cleared my throat again, more forcefully this time, trying to shake off the fog that had settled over me. I had to answer her, had to act normal, but I couldn't find the words. My eyes met hers, and for a moment, everything else faded away—the room, the desk, the homework. All I could see was her, sitting there, waiting for me to say something, to do something.

I was trapped, caught between what I wanted and what I knew was right. The line between the two was becoming harder to see, harder to hold onto. And the truth was, I wasn't sure how much longer I could fight it.