Between the desks

Chapter 71

Amren's POV

I turned and walked back to where Lily was waiting, my heart heavy with confusion and unexpressed emotions. Each step felt like a weight pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I wanted to cry, to scream, to throw caution to the wind and rush back to Professor Olsen, to tell her that it couldn't just be me feeling this way. But deep down, I knew that I had already said too much. I had laid my heart bare, and now it was her turn to act. But how could she, when I had essentially put a wall between us with my words?

Tomorrow loomed ahead like a dark cloud, with our tutoring session hanging over me. I couldn't fathom how I would get through it, knowing that the tension between us would be palpable. The thought was suffocating, but I pushed it aside for now; that was a problem for tomorrow.

As soon as I stepped outside, the cool air hit my face, a sharp contrast to the turmoil inside me. I pulled out a cigarette, my hands slightly trembling as I lit it. The familiar flicker of the flame was momentarily comforting. I took long, deep drags, inhaling the smoke and letting it fill my lungs. Each breath released a bit of the stress that had accumulated, but it was only a temporary fix. I felt broken, fragmented, like pieces of me were missing.

Lily's voice broke through my thoughts like sunlight piercing through dark clouds. "How was it? Did you kiss her?" she asked, her tone light and teasing, almost like a ray of hope.

I couldn't help but laugh, a sound that felt strange given my current state. "No, we just talked about that essay I wrote," I replied, deliberately lying to shield my true feelings. I didn't want her to know the depths of my confusion and hurt.

"Oh, okay. Next time, you should definitely kiss her!" Lily exclaimed, her voice filled with mischief, the spark of excitement evident in her tone.

I chuckled again, but it felt hollow. We climbed into the car, and I turned the key in the ignition, the engine roaring to life beneath us.

After dropping Lily off at her house, we exchanged cheerful goodbyes, "See you tomorrow!" we yelled in unison, but as I drove away, the weight of despair settled back over me.

When I got home, I felt the familiar sting of loneliness. I lit another cigarette, my fingers shaking slightly as I brought it to my lips. The hollow feeling inside me deepened, and sorrow began to creep in like a dark shadow. I hated this sense of emptiness that enveloped me.

I looked around my apartment, and the sight made me feel even worse. Clothes were strewn everywhere, books stacked haphazardly, and the overall mess reflected the chaos in my mind. I couldn't stand it anymore. I felt trapped, suffocated by the walls that seemed to close in around me.

In a fit of frustration, I grabbed my motorcycle keys, practically running down the stairs. The cold metal felt grounding in my palm, and as I hopped onto my bike, the familiar hum of the engine beneath me was a bittersweet comfort.

"Fuck this," I muttered under my breath. "Nobody wants me." It felt like a mantra, a reminder of all the ways I had been let down—betrayed or brushed aside by those I cared for. The thought of being unloved twisted my insides, the memories of past relationships flashing in my mind. They'd all ended in disappointment. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was cursed, that love was never meant for me.

I revved the engine, the roar drowning out my racing thoughts, and took off down the street. I drove fast—really fast—ignoring the red traffic lights that flickered menacingly at intersections. I didn't care; I just wanted to escape. The wind whipped against my skin, pulling at my clothes like a lover's embrace, a fleeting distraction from the ache in my heart. I felt a rush of adrenaline that momentarily lifted the weight on my chest, but it was just a thin veil over the storm of emotions swirling inside me.

As I sped down the familiar roads, the city lights became a blur of colors. The cool night air filled my lungs, and for a moment, I felt alive—free from the suffocating weight of my feelings. I glanced down at the dashboard, watching the speedometer climb higher. The numbers blurred as the world raced by me, a chaotic dance of light and motion.

But then, in an instant, I looked up—and there it was. A truck looming large in my path. Panic surged through me, but there was no time to react. My mind screamed for me to swerve, but it felt like my body was moving in slow motion. The roar of the engine was drowned out by the pounding of my heart, and in that terrifying moment, everything went black...