Between the desks

The Complexity of Love

Love is supposed to be simple. You meet someone, you fall in love, and everything else fades away. Your world becomes centered around this person, and you feel like you've found the missing piece of your soul. That's how it felt when I first found my true love. I was sure—so sure—that this was it. This was the person who understood me, who held me together when I was falling apart, who made me believe that love could be easy. We made plans, we dreamed of a future, and I thought our love was enough to last forever. But life doesn't care about promises or plans, and one day, someone else walked into my life and shattered everything.

It wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. I had love, real love, waiting for me. But from the moment our eyes met, I felt something deep inside me shift. There was something dangerous in the way they looked at me, something thrilling in every word they spoke. It wasn't just attraction—it was like they ignited a fire inside me, a spark I hadn't felt in so long. Suddenly, the love I thought was enough didn't seem to fill me anymore. I was consumed by thoughts of someone I couldn't have, someone I shouldn't even want.

Forbidden love has a way of twisting your heart. The more impossible it feels, the more you crave it. Every stolen glance, every accidental touch set my heart racing in a way I hadn't felt in years. I felt alive, reckless, like I was on the edge of something dangerous and beautiful. But with every heartbeat, guilt followed close behind. How could I feel this way when I was already in love? How could I betray someone who had done nothing but love me, support me, and build a life with me? Yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about the one I couldn't have.

I started hating myself for it. I hated that my thoughts drifted to them when I was lying in bed with my true love. I hated that I compared them to the person who had been there for me through everything. My partner was steady, kind, and loyal. But now, they didn't make my heart race like this forbidden love did. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right. I had everything I was supposed to want, yet all I could think about was the one I could never have.

Every time I saw them, it was like my world tilted. My breath caught in my throat, and I could barely focus on anything else. Did they feel the same? Could they possibly want me the way I wanted them? Or was this all in my head, some cruel fantasy that would only leave me more broken than before? The uncertainty was unbearable, but the longing was even worse. I couldn't stop myself from imagining what it would be like to kiss them, to feel their hands on me, to let myself fall into this forbidden love. But the thought of acting on it terrified me. What if they didn't feel the same? What if I destroyed everything for a moment of passion that would never last?

I felt torn apart, trapped between two worlds. On one side, there was the love I had built, the love I thought would be enough. On the other, there was a fire burning so fiercely inside me that I didn't know how to put it out. The guilt was unbearable, but the desire was stronger. I wanted them—God, I wanted them so badly it hurt. But I couldn't let myself act on it. I couldn't ruin everything, even though the temptation was pulling me closer every day.

My heart was breaking in two, torn between the love I had and the love I wanted. I wanted to believe that this forbidden love was just a passing fantasy, but deep down, I knew it was more than that. It was real, and it was killing me. Every day, I fought with myself, trying to choose between what I knew was right and what I desperately wanted. And no matter what I did, someone was going to get hurt—whether it was my partner, the person I couldn't have, or me.

In the end, I don't know if there's a right answer. Maybe forbidden love is just that—a love that can never be, a love that isn't meant to last. But even knowing that doesn't stop my heart from aching. I can't help but wonder what could be, even if it's a love I can never have. And that thought, that endless "what if," is what will haunt me forever.