My Dearest Enemy - GeminiFourth AU

41. I can't lose you again

*** Gemini POV ***

When do you choose who you can trust to? Or who you can love? Do you even choose such things?

Yeah, I was never a person who overthinks anything, I just live day by day, minute by minute. I used to have to be always ready to take on new challenge. They sometimes said that i know where to buy drugs or gun, but truth is much more bitter and sad. Drugs? Yeah, they were part of it to let myself forget what was happening to me but after that ‘incident’ with Nattawat that got him pregnant, I promised myself to never ever use any drugs or alcohol. This was too bad already.

I couldn't focus much on what I was doing for the first weeks, but now I catch myself sometimes even enjoying the thought about me having family. I never had real home, I don't know if we'll work out as parents. What if we fail? What if we hurt our previous little one the way my dad hurt me?

Yeah, Dunk with help of Mixxiw told me everything and Mix helped even more, bringing me memory potion. It brought back my lost memories. It was the most painful to go through it all again but I knew I had no other choice. For our own family. I remember now what our father did. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him. It was because of him that we had to run away from home.

Home?

No, it was only a house, four walls and a roof and nothing more than that. Only with FotFot I feel like maybe this one time I finally found my place? I feel safe with him.

But what if I lose him the way I lost others? The way I lost Susanne and LiMing in previous lives? The way I lost my mom and my dad? Turns out my mom really fell in love with a woman and our father cursed her. Dunk found out recently that she lived in some country in Europe, but he doesn't know where exactly. Somewhere at the back of my head the hope was born that maybe one day I will meet my mom again. Will she recognize me as her son? What will she say if she finds out that her son got himself a a BOYFRIEND? Will she be mad at me, disappointed, worried that I followed her footsteps?

I couldn't stop myself from imagining our first meeting since the time she had left us. I always thought she died. That's what our father kept saying. But Dunk found out she's still alive. This made me both happy and anxious.

After two perfectly ordinary days full of studying and work(yes, we both with Fourth had to go and record some clips to promote our series — Fot refused to change his clothes in front of our make-up artist, he didn't want anyone to notice that his belly is starting looking a bit weirder than usually), came day we never expected to come.

We were all together in our hidding place, me, Phu, Fourth and Dunk. Fourth and Dunk were focused on studying, P’Tay told us he’s going to do a pre-final exam, his subject was finally ending soon and he wanted us to work even harder than before and of course Fourth wouldn't be himself if he didn't start to study right away after we came back from classes.

“They found his body”. This was definitely not something I was prepared for. Joong went to meet us in our secret place. I didn't think it was a good idea to invite him there, but Dunkie wanted to keep an eye on him. Phuwin had nothing against it. I think he didn't care at all, for him Archen could cease to exist right away and he wouldn't even notice. Well, they’ve never been very close, Dunk is my brother and Joong used to be my friend at times, so Phu kinda accepted him but that's all.

“Whose body? What are you talking about?”

“Someone’s dead? Who? How it happened?”