The first day of Seventeen's two-day concert was an explosion of energy and excitement. The members were in top form, and the arena was packed with Carats cheering and waving their lightsticks. But amid the glowing lights and the deafening cheers, Joshua felt out of place. His body had started to show signs of fatigue early that morning, but he didn't want to make a fuss. He was used to pushing through discomfort. Besides, the others were stressed too, with back-to-back rehearsals and performances lined up.
But something felt off. As the hours passed, his throat burned, his head throbbed, and his body ached in ways he hadn't felt before. Still, he forced a smile and went through the motions, relying on muscle memory to get him through the choreography. His boyfriends where busy with their own tasks, scattered around in their respective groups. Usually, they were attentive, always making sure he was alright. But today, they hadn't noticed his struggles. He had tried to catch their eyes during rehearsal breaks, but each time, they were too preoccupied.
Joshua didn't say anything. He told himself that he was overreacting, that it was just nerves or the result of too little sleep. His chest tightened whenever he tried to take deep breaths, but he ignored it, focusing on the performance. He could manage one night, he told himself.
The first night's concert ended successfully, and as the members came off stage, drenched in sweat and adrenaline, they were all in high spirits. Everyone was smiling, laughing and congratulating each other on their performance. Except Joshua. His head spun, and he felt lightheaded, but he plastered on a smile, not wanting to ruin the moment.
The next morning, they gathered for practice. Joshua woke up feeling worse than before. His limbs were heavy, his throat was sore, and his head pounded very badly. His vision was blurry, and every muscle in his body protested as he moved. He knew he had to say something this time. During their practice, Joshua approached his boyfriends. He tried to keep his voice steady, but the exhaustion made it waver.
"Guys, I'm not feeling well... I think I need to rest for a bit before the concert tonight."
But instead of the concern he had hoped for, their response was unexpectedly cold. Scoups glanced at him, his brow furrowing, but not in concern. It was frustrating.
"We're all tired, Joshua," he said, his voice clipped. "You're not the only one."
Jeonghan, who was usually the most caring, sighed and crossed his arms. "We're working just as hard as you are, and we're not complaining."
Joshua's heart sank. He tried to explain himself, but before he could, Wonwoo chimed in.
"You always act like this when things get tough," he said. "Just push through it like the rest of us. This isn't the time to be weak."
Each word felt like a blow, cutting deeper than the last. Joshua's chest tightened with the weight of their accusations. He had never felt so alone, standing among the people he loved the most.
Mingyu's voice was the final blow. "You're not the only one who's struggling, Joshua. We've all been doing this for years".
Joshua's throat tightened. He swallowed down the lump forming in his chest, not wanting to cry in front of them. He had wanted their support, but instead, their words made him feel like he was a burden. They couldn't see how hard he was trying, how much pain he was in.
"Yeah... I'll keep going," Joshua whispered, his voice barely audible. He turned away from them, feeling the weight of their indifference pressing down on him.
He pushed through the rest of practice, his body screaming at him to stop, but he didn't let himself slow down. He wouldn't give them any more reason to be disappointed in him.
