Joshua had never meant for his feelings to become a part of the routine. He'd been best friends with Seokmin since their freshman year at university, and over the years, their bond had grown closer than ever. Joshua could laugh with him until his stomach hurt, talk with him about anything, and be silly around him without a second thought. But all the while, Joshua's heart kept another truth carefully tucked away-a truth only his closest friends knew but Seokmin somehow never noticed. He was in love with Seokmin.
From the outside, it seemed like a relationship that couldn't get any closer. Seokmin was affectionate, always throwing an arm around Joshua's shoulder or ruffling his hair. And Joshua, as much as he wanted more, was willing to settle for that closeness if it meant staying in Seokmin's life.
It was a rainy afternoon when Joshua found himself studying with Seokmin in their favorite café. Joshua pretended to focus on his notes, but his gaze kept drifting to Seokmin, who was focused on his laptop, humming softly. He wore a navy-blue hoodie, his hair falling in soft waves over his forehead, and Joshua couldn't help but think how unfair it was that Seokmin could look so effortlessly perfect without even trying.
Joshua's heart skipped a beat as Seokmin looked up, catching him mid-stare.
"Joshua, are you listening?" Seokmin's voice brought him back to reality.
"Oh, yeah, sorry!" Joshua's cheeks flushed, and he tried to cover it by taking a sip of his coffee. "What were you saying?"
Seokmin chuckled, a carefree sound that Joshua loved. "I was saying we should go hiking next weekend. You up for it?"
Joshua's heart fluttered at the idea of spending more time with him. "Of course. Just the two of us?"
"Yeah, of course! Who else would I bring? You're my best friend," Seokmin said with a grin, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Joshua's heart sank a little at those words. Best friend. He forced a smile, nodding along, even as his heart ached. He tried to remind himself that being close to Seokmin, even just as a friend, was better than nothing.
Joshua's eyes filled with a sadness he couldn't hide. Seokmin, blissfully unaware, continued talking about the hiking plans, completely oblivious to the silent struggle Joshua was going through right beside him.
Later that evening, Joshua's friends Jeonghan, Wonwoo, and Seungkwan cornered him in their dorm room. They'd been watching this dynamic unfold for years, and all three had been silently cheering Joshua on, hoping that one day Seokmin would finally see what was right in front of him.
"Joshuji, you've gotta tell him," Jeonghan said gently, sitting beside him on the bed.
Joshua shook his head. "I can't, Jeonghan. He only sees me as a friend. Besides, if he doesn't feel the same, I could lose him altogether."
Wonwoo, who'd been sitting quietly, finally spoke up. "But doesn't it hurt you to keep pretending like this?"
Joshua swallowed, looking down at his hands. "It does. Every day, it hurts a little more. But I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him at all."
Seungkwan crossed his arms, frustration evident on his face. "Joshua, everyone else sees it-everyone except Seokmin. He's so oblivious that he doesn't even realize how you look at him."
Jeonghan placed a comforting hand on Joshua's shoulder. "We just want you to be happy. But if staying quiet makes you miserable, maybe it's worth the risk."
Joshua sighed, his heart heavy. He knew they were right, but the fear of losing Seokmin completely was paralyzing. He wasn't ready to give up the little he had, even if it meant holding onto a painful secret.
