Enough For Me (batjokes)

Return of the Bat

Around 4 in the morning, the Joker sat up in bed and stretched his arms out.
He could hear Harley Quinn downstairs brewing coffee, and he guessed Ed was either asleep or completely lost in the hall of mirrors.
He went into the upstairs bathroom to check his face and reapply makeup; he had to look his best for when the Batman would show up later.

"Harley!" He called, once applying his lipstick.
"Yeah pumpkin?" She called, and he heard something that sounded an awful lot like the coffee mug smashing onto the floor. "Rip mug." Harley mumbled.
Joker smiled to himself.
"Did you call Cat, Freeze and Penguin?" He yelled to her.
"Yes, I did." She called back. "They're on the way; they'll be here in probably 20 minutes."

"Okay, I'll go find Nygma." Joker went downstairs after changing to his signature purple suit.

"Ed?" He yelled into the hall of mirrors.

"Joker?" The familiar, highly intelligent voice. "I'm still by my bed. I figured I would wait for you to come in here yourself, instead of heading out myself."

"Okay," laughed Joker, "I'm comin-"

"Joker? I'm still by my bed. I figured I would wait for you to come in here yourself, instead of heading out myself."
Ed repeated.

"What the.. yeah I heard you." The Joker shook his head. He rounded the corner to where Nygma's bedroom was.
He stopped in shock.
There was a small, black recorder sitting on the floor. It played Nygma's message again.
"Harley!" Yelled The Joker.
Immediately the recorder started ticking and blinking red. Numbers on the side counted down from 30 seconds.
"HARLEY?" He shouted.
Harley rushed into the hall. "What the fuck??" She said.
"Get out of here, Harley, I got this!" Joker told her.
"I'm not leaving ya, Mistah J!" She stated angrily.
The Joker picked up the bomb and chucked it far into the hall of mirrors.

"Well done, Joker." Ed's voice suddenly said, from the recorder he'd thrown. "You were easily outsmarted. I had no problem taking you down, and Harley with you." The recorder let out a shaky laugh. "It's not really a bomb, you hoe. I had it in my pocket the entire time I was with you. So, thank you for everything and all of your secrets. But, there's one thing you should've known as soon as you decided to trust me."

Joker and Harley looked at each other in shock.

"My name is not Ed Nygma. Of course, you two were more stupid than I'd thought. E. Nygma. Enigma." The recorder laughed again. "I can't believe you didn't figure it out sooner. I'm the Riddler."

"Hahaha!" Laughed the Joker. "The Riddler's in Arkha-"

He stopped immediately and hit his head. "You stupid bitch."

The recorder stopped talking.

"I don't know what Riddler wants, but he left without a trace." Harley said. "We have to catch him- he knows where our hideout is and everything puddin, he could kill us!"

"I know, Harley." The Joker growled. "We have to kill Batman first. With him out of the way, I won't have anybody stopping me from killing Ed- I mean Riddler. I can't believe he would betray us like that."

"Why would he help you out of Arkham?" Harley asked.

"He's got us in a trap." Joker realized. "He must've done something to Bats, since he knew I wanted to kill him. If that bitch killed him first-"

"Okay, Mistah J." Harley's phone dinged. She took it out of her pocket and checked it. "That's Cobblepot. He's here."

"Thank goodness. I swear, he's the only one of my 'friends' that we can trust." Joker ran out of the hall of mirrors and to the flap of the circus tent.

The Joker spotted a very short, chubby man with a pointed nose, jet black hair and a cane waiting for them outside.

"Ozzie!" He laughed, bending down to give the fancy-clothed man a hug. "Thanks for coming."

"Call me Penguin, unless you want me to call you 'Jack'." Said Oswald, hugging back.
"I missed you too." Joker said, letting him go. "It's been a while. You look well."
"Whatever, Joker. What is it you needed help with?" Penguin asked.

"We have to kill two people, now." The Joker brought Penguin inside. "Batman, and the Riddler."

"The Riddler is in Arkham, Jack." Said Penguin.

"He got out, with my help. He's a traitor, and I thought he was a nice guy."

"Nice going, J!" Hissed Penguin. "We can't catch the Riddler. He's a genius. I've never even seen him in person."

"We're taking out the Bat first." Joker told him. "Here, come sit down. Catwoman and Mr. Freeze will be here any second."

Joker led Penguin to the living room with a couple of chairs. They both sat down.
Harley Quinn brought out some tea from the kitchen.

"Hey Penguin!" She greeted and handed him a cup of tea.
"Thanks, Quinn." He said, taking it. The Joker's phone rang.
"Hello." He laughed into the phone.

"Open the fucking tent, please." An icy voice said.

Joker got up and brought Freeze inside.

"What's up, Victor?" Harley asked. "Thanks for helping, now we just need Cat-"
"I'm right here, I've been standing here for the past five minutes, meow."
Said Catwoman, coming forward.

"Well there you go!" Laughed Joker.

"If you had hired Victor Zsasz, Batman would already be dead." Catwoman pointed out.

"Victor Zsasz is expensive as hell." Joker said. "No assassins."

"So," Penguin began. "What's the plan?"

"I'm going to call the Batman and let him know our location, but we won't be here. We'll all go to the GCPD and capture Commissioner Gordon, and hold him hostage with a knife to his neck, until Batman promises to exchange himself for Gordon. Freeze you will freeze all of the officers, Catwoman you'll be the one holding the knife to Gordon's neck, and Harley will watch the thing unfold and talk to all of us through an earpiece. Penguin, you'll come with me wherever I go. Then I'll kill the Bat in cold blood and then we can both go after Riddler."
Joker said, and took a breath.

All the villains nodded.

"So, we carry this out now?" Mr. Freeze said.
"Let's go then!" Catwoman meowed and everyone stood up.
Harley Quinn handed everybody an earpiece.
"Are you sure you wanna do this, Mistah J? Kill Batsy for real?"

"What kind of a question is that, baby? He might be my Batsy but he's also a two-faced traitor, and I don't date crazy people!" Laughed the Joker.

Penguin sighed. "You're crazy, Joker."
"I'm one of the three people here not dressed up like a furry or named after an animal." Joker pointed out.

The others completely ignored Joker and headed outside.
They decided to take the Jokermobile to the GCPD, with Harley Quinn driving.

The Joker dialed a number into his flip phone.
"Batsy Batsy Batsy.." he sing-songed.
Eventually somebody answered in the other line.

"This is Bruce Wayne at Wayne Enterprises."

"Yeah, uhm, can you get me Batman?" Joker groaned.
It was quiet on the other line. A little bit of shuffling was heard. Joker and Penguin looked at each other in annoyance.
"This is Batman speaking."
Finally the low, gravelly voice was heard.

"Finally!" The Joker sighed.
"Joker? How'd you get this number?" Batman growled. "How did you get a phone?"
"I escaped, you fucking idiot." Joker laughed. "And I'm about to kill Commissioner Gordon, if you don't come to the GC police department in ten minutes."

"Is this a trap?" Batman asked.
Joker only laughed and hung up the phone. "Well, that's settled. Step on it please, Harley."