CHAPTER 8

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mag mamano na sana ako saaking lolo but he didn't give me a chance to just at least hold his hand. Hindi ako nito pinansin at nilampasan lamang tyaka pumonta ito saaking kapatid, I get jealous and offended. Ano bang nasa utak ni lola now? Pfft, syempre ’yung nangyari kay mama which is his daughter and he kept blaming me again and again.

“ Good afternoon tita.“ Bati ko kay tita at nag beso sa kaniya.

“ Good afternoon, sabayan mo na kaming kumain dito nila Lolo mo.“ Tita said. I just gave a poker face where she can't know what my real feelings are, I got really offended and sad, also jealous.

“ I am not hungry, have a nice lunch time and eat well everyone.“ Sambit ko habang pilit lamang ang ngiti ko at ang sina lola at Lola pati na si Mark ay naka upo na. Nginitian ko si tita at nag lakad na patungong hangdan. Pinipigilan kong bumuhos ang luha ko saakin mga mata dahil ayukong makita nilang hindi ako malakas at napaka softhearted kong tao. I am strong because I need to be strong, and I won't cry just because Lolo ignored me, and kept blaming me.

Pagka pasok ko sa kwarto ko ay mabilis kong sinarado ang pintoan at nagpatiyaya saaking kama, mahina akong umiyak. I killed my parents, I am the reason why they are not alive, maybe Alvrighte is right that if I am going to write a story I should use the title of THE KILLER OF FAMILY LOTINO. Kinuha ko ang aking notepad and open it to write a poem, I might not be the poem but I want to be the pen.

BEING BLAMED

I am the daughter and they are my parents,
they met their death in a car accident,
everyone blamed me for what happened,
I didn't mean to be the reason of their death—
’cause I am just a child who wants to be delighted.

they need to see me strong as they expected,
I won't make them know that I am so offended,
crying is the answer even you want to shake,
you need to hide the pain—
’cause you won't face the judgement.

No one is with me when I want to cry because I am in pain, and no one is willing to be with me to comfort we ’cause I am just a comforter. No one will know the pain that I am hiding with them even though I am so broke, broke for what people are saying to me. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit, bakit nga ba sila galit Galit saakin? No one is happy while they are with me ’cause I am a killer, and I don't feel satisfied for their invalid reason.

“ They... they just can't see the real you that's why everyone is judging you, but know... know that you are worthy because... because— ahhh, I... I don't want this feeling, bakit ba kasi ang tanga mo? Ma-matalinong tanga ka Brianelyn, you are an idiot and the killer of your parents, apaka bobo mong tao!“ I said to my self while I am crying, I am so heartless, worthless, and a brainless.

My phone is ringing so someone is calling me, and who is going to call me in the middle of my down moment? Pinonasan ko ang luhang bumubuhos saaking mga mata  at sinagot ang tawag ng unknown person na ’to.

“ Why aren't you here in our classroom?“ Bungad nitong tanong saakin.

“ At—“ Hindi ko muna ’pinagpatuloy ang sasabihin ko dahil ng inhale exhale muna ako, “ At paano mo nalaman ang phone number ko?“ Tanong ko kay Alvrighte at bigla akong napa singhot.

“ Are you crying?“ Tanong nito, ang layo ng sinabi niya sa tanong ko.

“ No i’m not, why... Why would I?“ Tanong ko sa kaniya habang naka poker face na akala mo ay nakikita niya ang aking mukha.

“ Fine, you want to go out with me and go to the park?“ Tanong nito saakin, park is my favorite place, how did he know that? Baka sadiyang nasabi niya lang talaga, masiyado na akong nag o-overthink.

“ Yeah, I—“ Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko ng babaan ako nito ng tawag, bastos na taong ’to. Tinignan ko muna ang mukha ko sa salamin at namumula padin ito kaya pumonta ako sa cr para mag hilamos. Natapos ako mag hilamos at hindi naman na masiyadong halata na umiyak ako kaya baba na sana ako ng marinig ko ang tawanan ng aking mga pamilya kaya natigilan ako saaking paglalakad. Paano ba tumawa ng hindi buo ang pamilya? Nakakatawa talaga ang mga tanong ko sa sarili ko dahil hindi man lang ito nag ma-make sense dahil napaka nonsense. Dumeretso na ako sa baba ng balingan ako ng tingin ni tita Shantel kaya napa tingin nadin silang lahat saaking kinatatayoan.

“ Where are you going, Brianelyn?“ Tanong ni tita Shantel saakin.

“ Somewhere, why?“ Tanong ko sa kaniya pero hindi na ako nito sinagot dahil sumabat nanaman si lolo.

“ Don't ask a killer, she might be lying!“ Malakas nitong sambit habang tumatawa, nakakairita siya at masakit sa pakiramdam ang sinabi niya, tumakbo ako palabas ng bahay habang pinipigilan padin ko ang luhang papalapit nanamang tumulo, sana hindi nalang pala ako bumaba so I can't hear that words of my grandpa.

“ Hey! Saan ka pupunta?!“ Sigaw na tanong ng tao saaking likoran dahil papunta na ako sa labas ng gate namin.

“ Sa-sa pa-park alangan!“ Sigaw kong sagot kay Alvrighte.

“ I am still here, wala ka bang balak na hintayin ako?“ Tanong nito habang hinihingal at naka tingin saakin, “ Why are you crying?“ Tanong nito saakin.

“ Me.. me? I am not.“ Pagrarason ko habang pinupunasan ang luha saaking mga mata, “ Na lagiyan lang Ng dust ’yung mga mata ko.“ Dugtong ko pa at sinapak sapak ang aking pagmumukha.

“ Susss, let's go and talk about that to the park.“ Ani nito saakin. Wieee? Totoo God? Someone is going to talk to me about my problems? Can't believe it but still thank you because you're always with me, God!!
Tahimik kaming nag lalakad na dalawa ng basagin niya ang katahimika sa pagitan naming dalawa.

“ Bakit ka nga na kanina umiiyak?“ Tanong nito saakin na ikinakibit balikan ko lamang, “ Walang umiiyak na taong walang rason, no ka baliw?“ Tanong nito saakin habang naka titig.

“ Sabi mo... Sa park tayo mag uusap, why are you asking about my problem here on the road?“ Tanong ko sa kaniya.

“ Problemado ka na nga, mataray ka pa.“ Sagot nito saakin, apaka layo nanaman ng sinasabi nito sa sinasabi ko, alangan namang matuwa ako kasi may problema ako.

“ Alangan namang tumawa ako?“ Mataray kong tanong sa kaniya.

“ Answer my question now—“ Pinutol ko ang sasabihin niya.

“ We are not in the pa—“ Hindi ko din natapos ang sasabihin ko ng makita kong nasa loob na pala kami ng park habang nag lalakad.

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