What's wrong with watching movie together? Is it wrong if he sits beside me? Even friends sits together when watching, why can't we?
"That's not what I mean, Elissa."
Hindi ko siya pinansin. Lumapit siya sa kama, nasa pinaka gilid ako at nakatutok pa rin sa TV. Now I can't even understand what's going on, basta nanunuod ako. Naramdaman kong lumuhod siya sa sahig, kinuha niya ang kamay ko kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.
"You should go back there, and we'll watch like this Arkiel." seryosong sabi ko.
Ibinaling kong muli ang atensiyon sa TV. Ni hindi ko na alam kung paano naging gan'on na 'yong palabas, ilang minuto na ang lumipas at wala man lang akong naintindihan.
"You're mad, It's not like I don't want to sit with you. Siyempre gusto ko, Elissa."
I rolled my eyes. Gusto? Gan'on' yong gusto? Kung gusto niya e bakit ayaw niya? Ang gulo.
"Please? I'm sorry." nilaro niya ang daliri ko
"I don't care anymore, Arkiel. Can you please let me focus?" sabay turo ko sa TV.
He sighed, he looks frustated. Ano, naiinis ba siya sa'kin? Ako pa? Ako pa ang nakakainis?
Tumayo siya, hindi ko siya pinansin pero nakikita ko siya sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Kinuha niya ang remote sa sofa na inuupuan niya kanina, pagkatapos ay umikot siya sa kabilang gilid ng kama. This time napatingin na ako sa kaniya.
"What are you doing?" tanong ko nang maupo ito sa tabi ko
Hinila niya nang bahagya ang comforter saka tinabunan rin ang mga paa niya.
"Let's watch." ngumiti siya ng pilit
"Napipilitan ka lang."
"No, I'm sorry."
Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi saka niyakap. Umiwas ako nang tingin saka tumikhim, kinuha ko ang remote sa kanang kamay niya. Naghanap ako ng ibang mapapanuod, hindi ko na feel panuorin iyong nauna dahil hindi ko na maintindihan. Naghahanap ako nang mapapanuod habang si Arkiel ay parang batang nakayakap sa akin. Naramdaman kong uminit ang pisngi ko kaya p-in-lay ko na lang ang kahit na anong movie.
Tumikhim ako, "The movie's starting."
"Yeah." hinigpitan niya ang yakap sa'kin
Napalunok ako. Are we going to watch it like this? Paano ako makaka focus?
Pinilig ko ang ulo at pinilit ang sarili na ibigay ang buong atensiyon sa pinapanuod. I looked at Arkiel, he's eyes straight into the TV, seryoso siyang nanunuod. Nag iwas ako ng tingin, he's not nervous at all. Hindi tulad ko, na parang babaliktad na ata ang sikmura! I'm not very comfortable with our position right now, hindi ako makapag focus.
"I'm thirsty, Arkiel. Kukuha lang ako ng tubig." tumikhim ako
"I'll get it."
"No, I'll get it. I'm fine."
Tinignan ako nito saka binitawan. Tumikhim ako saka umalis sa kama, sinuot ko ang slippers na bigay niya kanina.
"I'm going too." tatayo na rin sana siya pero pinigilan ko
"It's fine. I'll be fast."
Nagmamadali na akong lumabas. Pinaypayan ko ang sarili, sira ba ang aircon sa bahay ni Arkiel? Bakit sobrang init naman yata.
Dumiretso ako sa kusina, binuksan ko ang fridge niya, may tubig doon pero bottled water lang. Kumuha ako ng isa, binuksan ko iyon saka ininom. Is this normal? I'm so clueless, I've never dated anyone before. Maybe Arkiel's comfortable because he already experienced this before. Hindi naman siguro ako ang una niya, like I know he had some flings. Right?
Huminga ako ng malalim saka umakyat na ulit. Binuksan ko ang pinto ng kwarto ni Arkiel, sumilip ako roon. He's doing something on his phone. Dahan dahan kong sinara ang pinto, seems like he noticed my presence kaya napatingin ito sa akin.
"Hey, you're alright?"
Tumango naman ako saka umupo sa kama.
"What are you doing?" tanong ko saka tinignan ang phone na hawak niya
"Nothing. I just got a call from the office."
Oh! Right! Why isn't he so busy these past few days? How about his work?
"Is it important? Wala ka bang trabaho?"
"I'll just review the details later. Let's have our date first."
"Baka kailangan na 'yan?" umiling ito saka hinaplos ang buhok ko
"It just needs my approval, no worries." tumango ako
He glanced at the TV then at me, I nodded at him, the movie continued and we started watching again, even though I can't understand anymore. I don't know, wala yata ang atensiyon ko sa movies kun'di sa sitwasyon namin ni Arkiel ngayon.
Speaking of work, my leave will end next week. I need to go back to Manila. Marami na sigurong naiwan na trabaho sa akin. My assistant isn't calling me, though. Maybe I should call her later?
"Uh, I'll be back in Manila next week." I informed Arkiel
This time, his attention's all on me.
"All right, I'll come with you."
"No, Arkiel. You have work here and I have mine in Manila."
He looked at me with his usual dark eyes, no emotions at all. Will I miss him? Of course! But we can visit each other, we can call and I can take a leave again soon.
"I can work anywhere. I'm going with you."
I sighed and shook my head. I know that we're in a relationship right now but we're both adults, we both have our responsibilities.
"We can't focus if we're together, Arkiel."
"I can, Elissa."
"It's not a good idea, Arkiel."
"So, you're fine leaving me?" aniya
Napalunok ako at umiwas ng tingin. Of course not! But he has work! And I have too. I can't be a nuisance to him. My restaurant will run even though I'm not in Manila but I had my office there. All the papers are there, that's why I need to go back. It's him I'm worried. We're having dates like this almost everyday, but how about his work?
"I'm not, Arkiel. I w-will miss you of course. But, you have work. I can't continue holding your time like this always."
Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko, sunod ay mabilis niya akong hinalikan sa labi. Napalunok ako, why does he always kiss me when I'm not prepared?
"I'm spending my time with you because I want too, Elissa."
"That's true. But you have work."
He looks amused. He slowly grabbed my hand and make me sit on his lap. Umiwas agad ako ng tingin. What the hell, my heart pounded like crazy. Arkiel hugged me tight and quickly kissed me on my cheeks. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang init ng mukha ko, maybe I should have brought that bottled water!
"Then, how about living with me?"
I shooked my head, "We shouldn't do that."
"Why? It's fine if we don't live here. I'll buy house in Manila then."
"Arkiel, I think we're going on too fast."
"Really? I'll live in your house then, in Manila."
That's tempting but, "No. Your work is here."
"Baby, I can work anywhere."
"Still, w-we can't focus."
He chuckled, "You're being shy?"
Pumula ang pisngi ko, "No!"
"You are! You're blushing!" and he laughed
Napatakip ako ng mukha sa sobrang kahihiyan. How come he's not shy?
"This is make up, Arkiel."
Hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pagtawa. Inalis ko ang kamay sa aking mukha at hinampas siya ng mahina sa balikat.
"That's settled then? I'll go with you next week. I'll book our tickets too."
I sighed. He's not even listening to me. Nag desisyon na kaagad.
"Whatever, Arkiel. But promise me if you'll be needed here for work, you'll go. Okay?"
Tumango siya, I smiled and hugged him. I can't help but imagine living with him in my condo. Wala pa man din, but I'm already excited.
"Should I tell Mom and Dad?" tanong ko
Daddy said we don't need to ask permission for dates. But, what about living together?
"Of course. I should ask them if it's okay."
"I think we should not." humiwalay ako at tinignan si Arkiel
"We should, Elissa."
"I'm planning on moving here."
Tahimik si Arkiel at mukhang inaantay pa ang sasabihin ko kaya nagpatuloy ako,
"I'm going back to Manila, I'll do what I need to do. I'll talk to my assistant if she can work here. I'll just settle everything, I just need a couple of months, so we shouldn't tell them. We'll be back here in a few months." pagdadahilan ko
Well, that's not the main reason. Tingin ko kasi hindi papayag sina Mommy na tumira sa condo ko si Arkiel.
He looked at me intently, "Then maybe I'll just get my own place? I can't live in your place without your parents approval, baby."
"Why? It's fine."
"It's not. I'll tell them, we're going back together."
"Hindi sila papayag, Arkiel." I pouted
Nag expect na ako na titira siya sa condo ko pagbalik namin doon next week. Hell I already imagine my life living with him! Pero kung ipapaalam pa kina Mommy, sigurado akong hindi na mangyayari iyon.
Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo ko sa kandungan niya. His left hand were on my thighs already, umiwas ako ng tingin. Hinaplos naman ng kanang kamay niya ang buhok ko. Tinignan ko siya, nakita kong nakatitig siya sa labi ko, dahil roon ay napatikhim ako.
"Let's not tell them, Arkiel."
"That's a bad idea. I'm still earning their trust, baby." he whispered
Napalunok ako, sobrang lapit niya na at damang dama ko ang init ng hininga niya.
"Paano kapag ayaw nila?"
"That's fine, I'll buy condo and just visit you."
I sighed. That's not fine at all. Pero wala na rin naman akong magagawa. Sumandal ako sa dibdib niya saka parang batang ipinagsiksikan ang sarili. I love being with him. Maybe I should worry about myself kasi ako ata ang hindi makakapag focus.
"Can we sleep here? Sleep over, Arkiel! We'll watch again." I looked at him
Tumawa siya, "Look at the TV, Elissa. The movie's done already and we didn't even know what happened."
"That's why we'll sleep over!" masayang sabi ko
"No, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Ayaw mo?" malungkot kong sabi
Nababaliw na nga siguro talaga ako kay Arkiel. The thought of him going home tonight makes me sad. I still want to be with him.
"Hindi tayo nakapag paalam, Elissa."
"I'll call them!" suggestion ko kahit alam ko namang hindi papayag si Mommy
"No, uuwi tayo." final na sabi nito
I hugged him tight. Maaga pa pero ma m-miss ko na agad siya! Nakakainis naman, bakit parang sa kaniya okay lang? Ganito ko siya kagusto?
"Don't worry, I'll talk to your parents about living together in Manila. Okay?"
"They'll not agree."
"I'll try my best." ngumiti siya sa akin kaya napangiti na lang din ako
"You're hungry? I wanted to cook but there's nothing in your kitchen, Arkiel."
"Hmm, I'm craving something." aniya
Umalis ako sa kandungan niya saka umupo sa tabi niya. Napatingin ako sa relo na suot at maaga pa naman para sa tanghalian.
"What is it? I'll cook. Pwede pa tayo mag grocery." anyaya ko
Tinitigan lang ako nito, hanggang sa bumaba ang tingin niya. Nilagay niya ang kamay niya sa magkabilang gilid ko, marahan niya akong hinalikan sa labi. Pumungay ang mga mata ko dahil pakiramdam ko'y nakakaantok ang halik niya.
"It's not something you can cook, baby." he said huskily
Nagulat ako nang binuhat ako nito ng kaunti saka sinandal sa headboard ng kama. Inilagay niya sa likod ng aking tainga ang takas na buhok, saka muling hinalikan. Dampi lang iyon pero sobra ang epekto sa akin.
Tinitigan niya ako sunod ay hinalikang muli, this time hindi na lang dampi iyon. Hindi ako marunong humalik at hindi ko alam ang gagawin! He's lips are moving and I don't know if I'll move my lips too.
Napamulat ako ng tumigil siya sa paghalik, "Come here."
Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at inalalayan para maupo ulit sa kandungan niya. Ngayon, hindi na patagilid. He wants me to sit on his lap, while facing him. Hindi ko na alam kung saan napunta ang kahihiyan ko. Damn, Arkiel can make me follow everything he wants.
His left hand is now snaked on my waist while he's right hand's caressing my cheeks. Napatingin ako sa kaniya, he looks sleepy too. Hinalikan niya ako ulit. I wanted to feel comfortable too, kaya ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa balikat ni Arkiel.
He's moving his lips and I don't know when I started moving mine too. It seems like he's guiding me, hanggang sa nasasabayan ko na siya. Humiwalay kami sa isa't isa para huminga.
"I think we should stop, Eli." aniya
I don't know if he's sure about that dahil nakatitig pa rin siya sa labi ko. This time ako na ang humalik sa kaniya, he still kissed me back.
"Elissa." humiwalay ako
"We should stop, this is how far I can handle."
Dahan dahan akong tumango, inalis ko rin ang kamay ko sa leeg niya. Aalis na rin sana ako sa pagkakapatong sa kaniya pero hindi niya binibitiwan ang bewang ko. Dalawang kamay na ang naroon.
"I'll d-drink water, Arkiel." nauutal kong sabi
I'm so shy after all those kissing!
"Can't we stay like this?" paos ang boses na sabi niya
"You said w-we s-should stop?"
Niyakap niya ako, "I want you so bad." bulong niya
Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya, he wants me what?
"Maybe living with you is a bad idea, right? Not until we're married?"
"It's fine for me, Arkiel."
Pinakawalan ako nito, "You're hungry? Let's just order food?"
Tumango ako saka tumikhim, umalis ako sa pagkakapatong sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya, inabot niya sa'kin ang phone niya. He wants me to order our food, kinuha ko naman iyon saka naghanap ng gustong kainin.
Habang pumipili ako ay niyakap ako ni Arkiel. He's head's resting a bit on my chest. Sinuklay suklay ko gamit ang kamay ang buhok niya habang pumipili ako ng makakain. Nang makapili ay in-order ko na rin at binayaran.
"You're gonna make me sleep." malambing niyang sabi saka hinigpitan ang yakap sa'kin
"That's why we should sleep ov-"
"No." pagputol niya sa sasabihin ko
Natawa ako, naramadaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya. Hinaplos ko ulit ang buhok niya saka siya sinilip. His eyes are now closed. I smiled, imagine we'll be like this everyday. I think I will be the happiest.
Days passed like a blur, today is Wednesday already and tomorrow is Kuya's birthday. I got a text from Angel that she arrived yesterday and will visit me today. Kaya naman ay maaga pa lang ay nag ayos na ako. I missed Angel so much and I can't wait to meet her.
Kahapon ko pa sana siya gustong puntahan but she arrived late, at night. I know she's tired too kaya hindi ko na pinilit. Dito siya mag aagahan sa bahay, at lalabas kami mamayang hapon para makapag shopping. Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kaniya na kami na ni Arkiel, I don't want her to freak out over phone. N'ong araw na sinabi kong nanliligaw na si Arkiel ay iyon rin ang araw na naging kami na. She'll be shocked, really.
"Baka antok ka pa Elissa, kaya ko naman." si Manang Fe
Umiling ako, "It's okay, Manang."
"Siya sige. I-check ko lang kung may kailangan bang gawin sa garden." I nodded and let her leave
I baked cookies, ang iba ay kakainin namin ni Angel ang iba naman ay ilalagay ko sa box para ipadala sa Mommy niya. Madali lang naman iyon natapos, sinalang ko na sa oven at nag antay lang ng ilang minuto.
"What's this smell?" napalingon agad ako sa nagsalita
"Angel!" masayang bati ko nang makita siyang nakasilip sa counter
"Oh my gosh, I missed you Elissa!" she exclaimed and run towards me
Sinalubong ko siya at niyakap. Isang taon din kaming hindi nagkita! Well, we met last year but we didn't have the chance to catch up too much since I'm busy that time.
"I missed you too. How's life?" bumitaw ako sa kaniya
"My life's fine, just tired. I have good news but I'll tell you later. Ikaw? Wow, nag effort ka pa!" Tumawa siya saka kinuhaan ang cookies na ginawa ko
"It's just a simple cookies, Angel. What do you want? Milk? Coffee?" tanong ko
"I think hot chocolate would go better with this cookies." tumango ako saka ginawan siya
"As far as I remember, we had unfinished business, Elissa." nilingon ko si Angel, she smirked
"What business?"
"Oh shut up! Nililigawan ka ni Arkiel?" naningkit ang mga mata niya
Tumikhim ako, she continued talking, "Last time I heard ayaw mo na sa kaniya? Naka move on ka na? What happened? I'm dying for informations, Elissa! Nakaraan ko pa gustong malaman."
Natawa ako, "Here." inabot ko ang hot choco niya, nagpasalamat siya at agad na ininuman iyon.
Umupo ako sa harap niya at nagsimula nang ikwento lahat, sinula nang umuwi ako rito.
"What the actual fuck? Kayo na?!" tumili siya
Hindi naman ako mapakali, gusto kong takpan na lang ang bibig ni Angel. She's freaking out and it's not good. Dapat pala tinext ko na lang siya?
"Well, h-he liked me before. We just had misunderstandings. So I...I t-thought bakit papatagalin ko pa?" napakamot ako sa batok ko, nakakahiya.
Tumawa si Angel at marahan akong hinampas sa braso.
"That's what I thought too, before. That he likes you."
"Really?" she never told me
"Yes, the way he cares for you. He calls you 'baby'! Duh, you don't call a friend like that." nag iwas ako ng tingin
Napapaisip din ako noon but I don't want to assume.
"I just don't know what's stopping Arkiel to confess to you. I thought sila ni Venice at pinapaasa ka lang niya. But according to what you said, he waited?" tumango ako
"Arkiel's something, huh." she's amused, napangiti ako
"And I'll be back in Manila in four days. He said he'll go with me." kwento ko
"Oh, shut up! Sapat na ang nalalaman kong impormasyong kayo na. 'Wag mo na ko inggitin!" aniya, natawa ako
"Anyways, you said you have good news? What is it?"
"Ah... I resigned!" she laughed
Hindi ko alam kong ngingiti ako o ano.
"That's good news?" taka kong tanong
"Of course! I wanna stay here in the Philippines. Ayaw ko na roon. Finally, nakumbinsi ko na si Dad. And, I'll enjoy the life of being unemployed muna!" she sounded happy
I smiled, well if that's what she wants I'm happy for her too.
"What are your plans?" tanong ko
"Hmm, maybe vacation? I wanted to try provinces this time. Nakaipon naman ako. Saka na lang ako mag ta-trabaho kapag paubos na." humalakhak siya
"How about your love life?"
"I had so many boyfriends in LA, Elissa. At nakakasawa rin pala. I wanted to travel alone, you know, me time. Anyways, these are good." aniya na tinutukoy ang binake kong cookies
"I have some for Tita."
"Oh, thank you. I'm sure she'll love this. Anong plano today?"
"Shopping? I need to buy gift for Kuya."
"Oh! Me too. Tomorrow's his birthday, right?" tumango ako
Like what we have planned, Angel and I did go shopping. Dala niya ang sasakyan niya kaya iyon ang ginamit namin. Arkiel's busy with his work but he's texting ne time to time. Nagpaalam naman akong mag s-shopping kami ni Angel at mag d-date na rin.
Arkiel:
Please take care, I love you.
I can't help but smiled, napansin iyon ni Angel. Tinago ko ang cellphone sa bag at nagsimula na ulit sa pagtingin ng mga damit.
"What the hell, Elissa." tumawa siya, "You're literally blushing right now."
"I'm not!"
Angel keep teasing me the whole time. Marami kaming nagawa sa araw na iyon, namili rin kami ng damit na susuotin namin para bukas. I got Kuya Markus a customized keychain that I think would go well in his car keys. Angel got him books. I don't know what it is but she said Kuya's got everything already and she doesn't know what to buy.
"This is a series."
"I'm not sure if Kuya reads." alanganin kong sabi
"That's fine. Pwedeng display lang." tumawa siya
Napailing ako saka natawa na rin.
"Will Venice be there?" tanong ni Angel
Nag d-drive na siya pauwi nang maisip niya 'yon. Nilingon ko siya, I haven't thought about that at isa pa I have nothing against Venice. She's good and the only problem before, is me and my thoughts.
"Maybe. Wala na rin akong balita sa kaniya. But Mommy said Kuya's friend from school will be there tomorrow."
"Does everyone know you're with Arkiel right now?" sinulyapan niya ako
"I don't think so. Sila Mommy pa lang ang nakakaalam."
"Did they keep in touch?" kumunot ang noo ko
"Venice and Arkiel?" tanong ko, tumango siya, "I don't know. I didn't ask Arkiel."
"Dapat you did!"
"He just told me that he didn't liked Venice back then."
"But, Venice likes him." Napatingin ako kay Angel
"I don't know. Noon pa man why would she always make it look like na parang sila ni Arkiel? Why she didn't make it clear. She always says na hindi pa nanliligaw si Arkiel. That's confusing. I'm sure Arkiel told her he doesn't like her, so why do that?"
Napatingin ako kay Angel, well she has a point. I thought Venice and Arkiel were really together back then. But I have no right to question Venice. It's me who assumed, it's not her fault.
"It's fine, Angel."
"Sabagay, matagal na iyon. But if she did keep in touch kay Arkiel, I wonder if she still likes him?"
Dahil doon ay napa isip rin ako.
