Every Part Of Us

38. Silence

Reid pov:

The silence was loud.

It wasn't the comfortable silence I'd found with Adam. It was the type of silence that wasn't supposed to be there. The kind that had my skin itching and my body twitching with discomfort.

I glanced up from the denim covering my thighs to see the women sitting across from me. She sat with a patient smile on her face her eyes traveling from me to the spot next to me.

I could feel his presence, the echoing of his silence. When I turned to look at my brother he slouched into his chair, his fingers drumming against his leg.

When he'd asked me to come with him to his therapy session I hadn't known what to expect but I had figured that part of therapy would be actually talking.

"Reid what are you hoping to get out of coming here today with your brother?" The woman asked turning her attention fully over to me.

I didn't know exactly what I wanted. I wanted to finally get the whole truth, I wanted Ronan to be able to trust me with that. I wanted to be able to talk to my brother. I wanted this silence to stop suffocating me.

"I just want my brother back." I shrugged refusing to let my eyes shift to the chair next to mine.

I focused on the woman talking softly.

"What do you mean by that?" She pushed.

"I don't know, I feel like I lost him and I don't know how to talk to Ro anymore."

"Ronan do you have anything to want to say to that?" Her attention turned to my brother.

His silence was crushing. He asked me to come here. He wanted to try to work on it. I had taken that step expecting him to be right there next to me taking the steps with me.

"See this is the issue, I try and work on us. I do what I can but he gives me nothing." I sighed feeling that frustration coming back at full force.

"Can you just let me think for a minute," Ronan said softly his voice tight.

"Give Ronan the time to get his words together. Sometimes communication is patience and giving the other the space they need." The doctor's voice soothed the tension with ease and I watched Ronan relax slightly.

"I am trying, I don't want to keep arguing. I'm not good at talking about this shit and most of the time I don't have the words but I am trying. I've kept so much to myself over the years trying to protect you and I think it's hard to unlearn that."

"I'm not a kid anymore Ro, you don't need to keep protecting me from everything bad in the world. I can handle more than you think I can."

"I do know that but you're always going to be my little brother and I'm always going to want to try to protect you from everything."

"But right now the only thing hurting me is you."

I watched the words land like a blow. He flinched back and turned his head away from me. I regretted saying anything the second I saw the effect of my words land.

"Alright, we will work on some more effective ways of communication later but I appreciate the way you are both opening up and trying to be honest with each other. This isn't going to be an easy process and we have to know that sometimes our truths might hurt." The doctor did her best to diffuse some of the tension.

"Ronan, you came in here today wanting to share some truths of your own. I'm not going to be the one to decide when you are ready for that but know that this is a space you can do that."