Unwritten Notes and Wounds

Chapter 19: To Pretend is the Only Way

Gail's POV

What's happening? I can't believe this! It's like I'm hanging on a broken thread...

5 days have passed since that call... He asked me that stupid question, but now what's all this?! Goodness sake... He's always with Naye, he's ignoring me, he doesn't want to talk to me, and worst of all, he told me that... that...

**NOW PLAYING: BROKEN BY SECONDHAND SERENADE**

!!!!!!PLAY VIDEO AT THE SIDE!!!!!!!

**FLASHBACK**

"Gail, I think we shouldn't get close anymore..."

"What? Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"That's the point Gail.. You're not doing anything.. But, my heart starts pounding really fast whenever I'm with you.. I'm sorry.. I shouldn't feel like this for you because I know that you'll just ignore me and such.. But.." Hinawakan niya yung dalawa kong balikat at nilapit niya yung mukha niya sakin..

"I think I've fallen for you.. Which is not right.. 'Cause your my ... My bestfriend.."

"D-Dictoj..." 

"No.. Please.. Don't say anything.. Before we start thoroughly ignoring each other, I have a favor.."

"Dicto--"

"Please don't ever forget that I'm your bestfriend.. When you're at your worst.. Don't ever hesitate to call me.. I'll be there.."

Then he went off, while I was left standing there.. Alone..

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Since that day.. I wanted to be always alone.. Umiiyak ako gabi-gabi.. Paano ako? Ba't ko naman siya iiignore if I'm also inlove with him? I'm currently at my room, crying again.. Punas ako ng punas pero ayaw nila tumigil sa pagdaloy.. Nakakainis! Hindi naman ako ganito e.. Pag may problema ako tinatawanan ko lang.. Pero ngayon ni ngumiti hindi ko magawa. :(

Ang hirap.. He's breaking my heart into pieces.. It's the first time in my life to experience this kind of pain. It really hurts.. It's like I'd rather stop my heart pumping than experience this kind of pain.. I love him. So much...

Pero kailangan kong maging malakas.. for the sake of my family and friends.. Ayoko pang mawala nang hindi ko nasasabi sa mga kaibigan ko yung sakit ko.. 

I'm sick.. Nung hinimatay ako dati nang dahil hindi ako kumakain dahil sa selos ko kay Dictoj kung naaalala niyo... Chineck ng doctor ko lahat sakin.. Blood test, urinal test, at kung anu-ano pa.. At ang findings? I have a  Leukemia.. Yes. Cancer of the blood. Stage 2.. 

Siyempre nung nalaman kon yun sobrang nanghina ako.. Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko. I can't die. I don't want to die.. Malakas ang loob kong labanan yung sakit ko kasi unang-una sa lahat, alam kong nandiyan si God para tulungan akong malagpasan to. Pangalawa, gusto ko pang makasama nang matagal ang mga mahal ko sa buhay.. At pangatlo, may pag-asa pa ko kasi nasa stage 2 palang naman yung sakit ko.. 

Pero.. Paano na ngayon? Paano ako lalaban kung nanghihina ako?

Pumunta ko sa may table ko at binuksan yung laptop ko..

Gusto kong idaan to sa paggawa nalang ulit ng poem.. 

"Chastening Caste"

I'm here within the box of sorrow,

Weeping indeed is all I could borrow.

As days pass by with all these tears,

I cannot distinguish what I can do.

With all those hopes you've given me,

Also made me a pessimist and caught off guard. 

So here I go saying hello to you, 

But there you are just keep on ignoring me.

What a chastening caste I have indeed.

Pagkatapos na pagkatapo kong itype yung huling line.. Nayuko nanaman ako napahagulgol.. :(

There's no other way.. But to pretend everyday... 

**END OF SONG**