𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 ~| 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘴

Golden

~'~

𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 

𝐎𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐭𝐞

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Lando's POV

I saw her, so vividly.

Over, and over again, the images played in my head. Just like they had done for a year. A whole fucking year of seeing her in my sleep and waking up just to realize she wasn't there. It was like a never-ending loop of torture.

It was always the same. She was always lying in that hospital bed and I was in the corner. She didn't want me. She wanted him. I was helpless.

The scene was a nightly replay of my worst fears. The one where she chose him, where she left me. And then she was gone. The monitors flatlining, the beeping turning into a never-ending scream in my ears.

When I ran to her side, she was gone.

She's fucking gone.

The monitors are screaming at me, a cacophony of beeps that echo through the cold, sterile room. I'm paralyzed, stuck in the corner, my feet rooted to the floor like a fucking tree. And she's just... lying there. 

So still, so lifeless.

But she was smiling. In the dream, she was smiling at him. I was the one who was supposed to make her smile like that. 

It's always the same. I want to scream, but the sound gets caught in my throat. I want to reach out and shake her, tell her to wake up, that it's not real, but I can't move. I'm trapped in this hell, watching the love of my life slip away from me in favor of someone else.

And then, she's gone.

There's screaming in my ears. I realize it's my own.

"Be brave, Lan." Her voice. 

That's her voice.

Make it stop, make it stop, please, just make it all stop.

I bolted awake, my heart clawing its way out of my chest. The darkness of the tent swirled around me like a thick fog, and it took a moment for reality to seep back in. The dream had been the same, but the pain was as fresh as if it had just happened.

I couldn't escape it, not even in my own mind.

I took a deep, shaky breath, feeling the coldness of the air seeping into my lungs. The tent was silent except for the sound of the waves outside.

Cassi had rolled out of my arms during the night and was now lying at the edge of the makeshift bed, the blankets tangled around her. I wanted her closer. So close that there wasn't an inch of space between us. So close that I could feel her breath on my skin.

But she was there, breathing, alive. Her chest rose and fell with the rhythm of sleep, and I was reminded again that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination. She was real, and she was here with me.