𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 ~| 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘴

Glue Myself Shut

~'~

𝐈𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧'

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧'

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Cassi 

I sat curled up on the floor of the guest room, my back against the cold wall, knees pulled to my chest, arms wrapped tightly around them like I could hold myself together if I just squeezed hard enough. But it wasn't working. I had spent the entire night trying to breathe through the weight pressing against my ribs, but it hadn't gone away. It just sat there, heavy and unmoving, like something had caved in inside of me and I didn't know how to fix it.

Lando hadn't come to check on me.

I understood why.

He had every right to be angry. I'd backed him into a corner, made him feel like loving me was a crime. He told me he loved me, and instead of meeting him where he stood, I ran. I ran, and I yelled, and I threw it back in his face like it was something ugly, something unwanted, when it was the opposite.

I wanted him to love me. I wanted it so badly.

But wanting something and knowing what to do with it were two entirely different things.

I was a mess. I knew that. I had spent the past few hours tearing myself apart, digging through the wreckage of our fight, trying to find the exact moment where I had lost control of everything. It had all happened so fast.

He had only told me the truth.

And I had punished him for it.

I should've said it back. I could've just said it back, and everything would be okay right now. But I couldn't lie to him like that. Not with something this big. Because if I said it, I had to mean it, and meaning it meant accepting the fact that love never ended the way you wanted it to.

That was the part he didn't understand.

That was why I couldn't say it.

Because the second those words left my lips, it would seal our fate. It would put an expiration date on whatever this was, and I couldn't lose him. I couldn't go through that again. Not with him.

He was all I had.

That was the real truth, the part that scared me more than anything else. Lando was it. The only real thing I had left in my life, the only person who had managed to get close enough to see through the cracks and not flinch. I couldn't lose him, and if keeping him meant never letting this love thing take root, then so be it.

But I had hurt him.

Maybe I had already lost him.

I squeezed my eyes shut and dug my nails into my arms, trying to ground myself against the rising tide of panic clawing at my chest. I had to fix this. I needed to fix this. But how? How did I go downstairs and face him after everything? How did I look him in the eyes knowing what I had done?